Snake Rattle and Roll

 

When you think of "the worst NES games" what usually comes to mind?

Silver Surfer?

Dr Jeckle and Mr Hyde?

Action 52?

Yeah, screw all that, THIS is the worst game to ever curse the NES.

Snake Rattle and Roll is a game where you have to slither around eating balls in order to make yourself heavy enough to hit a bell attached to a High Striker in order to open a door to progress to the next stage.  There are a couple of stages that don't do this and instead opt for straight platforming challenges and all in all you've got to get through 10 levels of the stuff before you can see the ending.

There are 2 problems with this game, one minor and one major.  The minor problem is the perspective.  The game has this sort of isometric camera that was probably really cool to see on the NES back in the day but in a game that needs precision platforming, the camera makes it sort of hard to judge where you are in relation to platforms and enemies at certain points.  I call this a minor issue though because it's the sort of thing you can just get used to after a short amount of play time.  The major issue though is the ice physics, probably the dumbest, most obnoxious ice physics in all of video games and I say this without hyperbole.

The last 2 levels are these icy gauntlets that are full of one hit kill rocks coming at you and the balls you must put in your mouth to reach the end of the stage are flying, so while you're slipping around trying to eat them you're liable to fall of the stage A LOT.  The game also has a garbage respawning system so more than once I would die only to respawn off the ledge again and fall right to my death.  The big problem though is the ice itself because you never EVER get a break from it pulling you all over the place, meaning that the ice physics are working on your snake EVEN WHEN YOU'RE IN MID-AIR.  So if there's a small platform you need to hit, you'll always either undershoot it and slide back down whatever hell mountain you were climbing or you'll over shoot it and fall to an instant death.

The game only has a handful of continues too so if you mess up too often on those ice stages, enjoy being knocked back to stage one every time.  Also don't give me any shit about the stage 8 warp because actually hitting that is a pain in the ass as well.

Sometimes playing shit games is fun because having a nice controlled rage at something obviously shit can be cathartic.  Sometimes they can be so jank that they sort of come full circle and become weirdly entertaining in their shitness.  Snake Rattle and Roll isn't cathartic to yell at and it isn't jank enough to be fun, it's just shit.  Shit in it's purest form, unfiltered and untainted by any traces of quality game design, just a massive pile of doo doo.

There is a version on the Mega Drive too but I've not played that, so I dont know if it's any better.  But to be honest, after the experience I had with the NES one, that version can suck at a fat one.  Don't play this game, it's not good

Foray Into Fall Guys

 

A little while back a game called Fall Guys: Ultimate Knockout came out and as a member of Playstation + I was able to get a copy of the game for free!  The internet is going crazy for it, it's the next big thing so I just HAD to try it

I don't think I have ever lost interest in an online game so quickly in my life.

For anyone living under a rock and doesn't know what I'm talking about, I'll give a brief intro.  Fall Guys is an online sort of "Battle Royale" type game.  You play matches that start with 60 people only instead of shooting and looting each stage will involve something like an obstacle course or some sort of team game where you have to roll a ball or collect eggs or something.  You keep doing these games until there's only about 8 people left where you make a mad dash for a crown and the first one to grab it wins.  Rinse and repeat for all eternity.  If you remember that TV show called Takeshi's Castle, it's basically that but as a bright online game with cartoon bean creatures 

Now you might be thinking that I'm about to go off on a long rant about how much the game sucks considering how fast I claimed to have lost interest but actually it's pretty fun and well put together.  Games are quick, the characters are cute, the art is nice and vibrant and when you do start doing well it gets really exciting, it's a game where I can totally understand the appeal.  There's something about it however, for me, that made me lose interest incredibly fast and I can't quite place my finger on it.

Maybe it's the sort of monotonous music and really irritating sound effects the little dudes make as they tumble over each other.  Maybe it's the repetitive nature of the game play.  Maybe its the abundance of annoying as fuck team games where, once you get used to playing them a bit, losses start to feel like they weren't entirely your fault and having to restart a match just because you were unluckily placed on a team with a bunch of twats feels unfair in a game like this.  Maybe it's the fact that the number of stages is pretty limited so every game starts to feel samey and uninteresting after about 6 matches.  I'm sure its a combination of all these things 

When I played my first few games my initial reaction was "Goodness golly me! Isn't this a barrel of laughs, I just HAVE to play more of it" which was quickly followed by "yeah it's aite, maybe a game or two before I play something else" which was then quickly followed by "I never want to touch this boring sack of shit ever again"

But like I said, the game isn't clicking particularly well for me and on this one I know very much that it's a me problem rather than the game being bad.  I can think of a handful of people just off the top of my head that I would happily recommend this game to and I'm really glad that such a neat little idea is getting so much traction.  It's absolutely worth checking out if the idea of Takeshi's Castle: Online appeals to you even a little bit.  I, however, will be uninstalling and going back to my weird, obscure weebshit.