Gaming on a Laptop

Whenever I go on a forum or talk to certain snobby gaming types they always stick their nose up at the idea of gaming on a laptop.  I don't get it.

First of all let me explain a little about my situation.  Since 2010 I've been in a bit of a weird state where I've been constantly moving around between not only homes but countries.  Even when I finally reached Japan, a place I knew I'd be staying for a long time, I was never really sure of how long I'd be living in one apartment for.  As a result of all of this, for the last 5 years I've been gaming on a Laptop almost exclusively.

This is why I don't understand why there are so many people who are uptight about the idea of gaming on a laptop.  Someone in a forum says something like "I need a gaming laptop" and the responses are all "lol gaming laptop, fuck off" and the poor dudes questions never get answered.  While it's not exactly an ideal platform to be doing any hardcore PC gaming on, it gets the job done.

If you're travelling a lot and you don't want to lunk around a big fat desktop all the time then a laptop is a pretty good idea.  I've never bought a dedicated "gaming laptop" like Alienware or any of that ripoff bullshit but if you can find a system with a decent graphics thingy in it then your pretty much set from there.  I've had no problem playing any current releases on my laptop and I do all my streaming stuff with pretty much no problem. 

Hell, even my new laptop, which kind of sucks plays most new releases with not much problem.  Unless you're the kind of person who wants to play Battlefield on it's highest settings then a laptop isn't actually all that bad.

Of course, a desktop is a much better way to go but if your unsure of how often you're going to move or you lack space or some shit then a laptop is just fine.  I'm now at the point where I'm looking for a desktop but I'll always have a need for a laptop for both gaming and work reasons.

So there's no need to be so fucking snobby about people gaming on a laptop.   It gets the job done and we all know that if they could they would buy a desktop instead, no need to be such a massive dick.

The New Resident Evil Is a Little Pointless

One game that was released recently was something that I have dubbed ReREMake and while I'm not entirely complaining about it's release I can't help but feel that this is another pointless re-do of a game that didn't really need remaking/porting anymore.

For those that don't know, back in 2002 Capcom released a remake of Resident Evil 1 for the Nintendo Gamecube and it wasn't just a straight up port of the original game, oh god no.  Resident Evil on the Gamecube, which people used to called REMake was Resident Evil 1 on fucking steroids.  The graphics were overhauled like crazy and looked fucking beautiful and they tweaked the game play a little bit for the new version.  On top of that they added a bunch of extra shit to the game so even veterans of the PS1 classic had something new to experience, it was awesome.

So then ReREMake comes along and while I'm not particularly angry about it like I was with The Last of Us Remastered, it still seems completely fucking pointless.  It's not too expensive but on Steam ReREMake will set you back £15 which is a fair price I guess for a game like this.  That said, Amazon UK have the Gamecube version going for prices as low as £6.50 and nearly every motherfucker I ever met had a Gamecube so why not just go dust that off and save yourself £10.  For me in Japan, I can walk round the corner and get the PS1 version in any used game shop ever for 100 fucking yen so trying to justify a £15 purchase for a game I've already played a million times is kind of hard.

Still though, while it seems a little pointless I'm not mad about it for a few reasons.  First, even if every motherfucker did have a Gamecube that doesn't mean they kept it so those who are lamenting their stupid decision finally have a chance to give REMake another go, the game IS 13 years old to be fair.   The second reason I'm not angry is that if ReREMake does well, I hope it sends a message to Capcom about the kind of Resident Evil people want. 

Capcom have had a bad habit for a good while of just taking Resident Evil and making it progressively worse by releasing shitty versions of Resident Evil 4.  I'm hoping that this will send a message not only to Capcom but to other developers is that the kind of survival horror games that real fans of the genre want is shit like this.  None of this Amnesia-esque no combat bullshit, real survival horror games like we had back in the day.

Admittedly I'm going to buy it because my Gamecube and copy are stuck at my family home and I'm halfway across the world so thanks, I guess.  Still though, it does feel a little like a shitty cashgrab by playing on nostalgia but I guess I'll forgive you this time.

Western Portable Gaming Stigma?

I'm going to start off by saying that I've not stepped foot in the UK for a good few years now so if things have changed then disregard this post.  However, going by what I've read on the internet it's the same as it was back when I was there.

Portable systems are great, you can get your gaming fix on the bus/train/plane/toilet whatever.  They have also gotten to a point where the visuals and game play of some portable titles rival that of console stuff.  Hell, you don't even need to buy physical games for them if you don't want to anymore.  Just find some Wi-Fi for that bastard and download something off an online store which kills the need to carry around boxes of carts like back in the day.

However, from my time in the UK and from what I've read on the internet there's this weird stigma attached to actually playing a portable system outside.  I've read people on forums and have even had friends say to me that they wouldn't dare play their DS/Vita or whatever in public because it would make them look "weird" or "too nerdy" whatever that means.  These aren't teens needlessly worried about public appearance either, these are grown adults.

First of all, if you're that ashamed by them why would you even buy a portable in the first place.  The whole point of the damn thing is to be taken around for when shit gets boring but instead you just decide to be bored and sit there doing nothing.  It's not like these things are cheap either, so you may as well get the most out of them.  Using them as a house console that you carry around seems like a bit of a waste.

But why do you even care what other people think about you?  Are you that insecure?  You aren't important or noticeable enough for anyone to give a shit that you're playing a video game on the bus.  Even IF someone did judge you for playing a game in public, who the fuck cares?  If they are going to judge you based on that alone they are probably a prick anyway.

The worst thing though is that these people are fucking hypocrites.  They are too embarrassed to play a Vita or 3DS game on public transport but they sure as hell don't mind wasting fucking hours on garbage portable games.  Games that mostly have no substance and are designed to drain money from the stupidest of smartphone users.

This is what I like about living in Japan, I see people playing portable games all the fucking time.  Whenever a new Pokemon or Monster Hunter gets released the trains are full of people with portable systems passing their boring commutes a way.  Not even just typical nerd types either, dudes in suits, mothers, pretty women, families, young and old alike.  I've seen people reading PORN on trains and no one really giving a shit, people just don't care about the method by which you kill your commute time out here and it's great.

Stop being so uptight, just enjoy your damn games.  

Guacamelee: Gold Edition

If there's one thing I love it's a good Metroid type game and Guacamelee just happens to be one of those.

The story follows the adventures of Juan who is on his way to some kind of festival in his nearby town.  When he arrives the presidents daughter gets kidnapped and Juan is killed by an evil skeleton dude called Calaca.  Juan wakes up in the world of the dead and is gifted a legendary luchador mask and is revived in order to save the presidents daughter and bring an end to Calaca's evil plans.

The story isn't exactly all that but the game play is really fun.  Like every Metroid-esque game you start with not much and as you explore the map and defeat bosses you gain access to new powers which allow you to reach new areas.  Combat involves punching skeletons in the face until the explode and you can do all sorts of fancy shit like juggle them or give them a suplex to make them explode faster.

The game play for Guacamelee really shines in it's platforming though.  The game is fast paced and controls really tightly so the platforming sections are really fun to play.  There's no unfair jumps or anything I found that one could consider bullshit so if you mess up it's YOUR fault.  The game does a good job of making you feel like a massive badass as you navigate your way through it's areas with some segments that look difficult but are actually rather simple.

I do have a few problems with this game though but none of these are enough to ruin the experience.  First, the game seems a LITTLE buggy.  When I first fired up the game after installing none of the characters or backgrounds loaded in properly but this was fixed after a restart.  There was also a problem with the frame rate where if I had the V-Sync turned on the game would run at a million frames per second and be uncontrollable. 

The combat is also a bit boring.  They make an effort by giving you all these powers that assist with creating combos and the game teaches you how to juggle enemies for days but none of the enemies are actually a threat at all and being fancy doesn't really net you any reward.  However usually after a dull combat segment you are rewarded with a fun platforming section and those alone are worth slogging through the games combat.

Also the game is really fucking easy.  There are checkpoints all over the place so if you die you don't get sent all that far back.  Falling off a ledge into an abyss just sends you back to the last piece of solid ground you were on but with no penalty.  You don't lose any health and just zip back to where you were to try again which kind of kills any tension in the platforming sometimes.   There is a challenge area that's genuinely difficult and requires you to do things under certain conditions but that's just one special area. The game also has a hard mode but this is only available after you beat the game one time so you have to play through the easefest before you can get any kind of challenge.

That said, Guacamelee: Gold Edition was a really fun game and I'd suggest anyone who is into Metroid style exploration games give it a go.  It's got a great style and plays really well and the difficulty, while I personally dislike it, is great for people new to the genre.  There is another version available on Steam that has 4 player co-op or something but I don't have any friends that want to play this stuff with me.  If you did though you'd probably have a grand old time

Why no Battle Royale Game?

There's a lot of movies that game video game adaptations and unfortunately most of them are complete shit and aren't worth bothering with.  A lot of these games are usually rushed so they can ride the hype of the movie release and as a result play like trash and just aren't worth playing.  However, if there's one movie that never got a game that absolutely should have had one it's Battle Royale.

Battle Royale is old as fuck but just in case I'll give a quick synopsis.  The movie follows a group of high schoolers as they are roped into the Battle Royale, a death game that takes place on a deserted island.  The idea is that each student has an explosive collar on their neck and they must kill their fellow students until only one remains.  If they fail to achieve this goal by the end of a number of days then every ones neck bombs detonate and they all die.  At the start of the film they are all given a bag with a number of tools and a random weapon and then they are let loose on each other.  It's a really good movie and I'd suggest that you go watch it if you haven't already.

Why has no one considered making a game based around this concept?!  In an age where multiplayer shooting games and roguelikes are stupid popular you think a game like this would be in a good position for a video game adaptation.  The best part is that it wouldn't even have to follow the movie that closely strictly speaking.

You could just have the player on an island with a randomly generated set of equipment running around trying to kill other players.  The layout of the island could be random as well as the equipment and survival elements such as finding food/water and other resources could be a core part of the game play.  If you did want to follow the movie you could give players the option to band together and try and beat the game itself but then there would have to be some kind of meta game going on to stop people just doing this every fucking time.

My rough idea probably isn't all that good but I imagine if a group of talented developers sat down and thought about it a Battle Royale game (or game with a similar theme) would be really fun.  Playing a game like this online would also be really fun I imagine so I'm hoping someone stumbles on this post and steals the idea.

Probably not though, I'll keep dreaming.

Games Media Is and Always Has Been Trash

Every medium needs its critics.  If it wasn't for people criticizing the works of others then things would never get better.  Content creators wouldn't have much of an idea of what people like and what people don't and we'd be a lot worse off for it.  That said, mainstream games media is complete trash and has been complete trash for a fairly significant amount of time.

I've ranted about how shitty certain sites are in the past such as PC Gamer and Kotaku but just generally speaking, mainstream games media is fucking dreadful and it always has been.  Even before I was using the internet as my main source of information, back in the day when I had a subscription to Edge Magazine, I thought games media was a fucking waste of goddamn time.

It's not ENTIRELY useless as we need someone to come along and report the facts so there is some merit.  When a company announces a game or when something happens in the industry it's good to have a publication on hand to report that shit so we know what's going on with this hobby that we all hold so dear.  However, reviews of individual games and opinion pieces are a complete waste of fucking space and I don't know why anyone bothers reading them.

There is some evidence to point out that a fair number of reviews, especially for big name titles with a lot of money pumped into their development are paid for by publishers but putting that aside reviews are still a waste of time.  A review is essentially the opinion of the person writing it and quite frankly the people who currently write for games media just aren't worth listening to.  All too often I've read stuff written by some prick who claims to have expertise in the field of games but in reality knows very little.  Too many fucking morons claiming to be "life long gamers" who are actually just part time bloggers writing about a game they played for half an hour one time.

Not only that but games review sites INSIST on using fucking numbers at the end of their reviews which pisses me off to no end.  How can you boil down a complex opinion on something like a game to something as simple as a fucking number out of 10.  The numbers have lost all meaning nowadays anyway with 10/10 meaning "really fucking good" rather than what it's SUPPOSED to mean; "perfect".  It annoys me with films as well how everything is X/5.  Fuck off with that, just write about the movie/game and leave the fucking numbers out of it.  If you base your decision to purchase a game based on it's score out of 10 on IGN then you are a fucking idiot that needs a slap in the face.

Also in recent months (maybe years) there's too many fucking opinion pieces written by people who know nothing of games and have skins thinner than a wet paper bag.  All too often I hear about "this game is sexist" or "this game causes violence" written by fucking idiots who know nothing about games in general OR THE GAME THEY ARE FUCKING CRITIQUING

What I want from the games media is cold, hard facts.  X developer is working on Y game.  A event has happened to company Z.  I don't give a fuck that you think the latest AAA game is "8.8/10" or whatever, or you think that a certain title is sexist or overly violent because your opinion is absolutely trash and you should keep it to yourself.  They all parrot the same shit anyway.

You could argue that I should keep my opinion about the gaming press to myself but I'm a nobody blogger who isn't be paid to do this shit.  The fact that you are receiving a salary to write shit opinions about video games is disgusting and in an age where YouTube/Twitch and enthusiast blogs exist, you money grubbing idiots aren't needed.  Fuck off.

All These VNs on Steam

What the fuck is going on here?!  Since when did Steam get so many goddamn weird visual novels.

Recently I've been noticing this trend of Visual Novels appearing on Steam.  This isn't a bad thing because I've talked about Visual Novels before and good ones can be really fun to play.  However, all the visual novels that seem to get put on Steam are all the fucking same super kawaii dating sim type games that look awful.  It has even reached the point where there is an actual porn game on Steam now but with all the sex scenes taken out.  This doesn't stop people from inserting the original files into the game directory to play the steam version with all the steamy stuff left in.

Granted, I'm judging these without having played any of them but I doubt very fucking much that any of them are any good.  I'm more than willing to give them a go at the very least at some point and if I ever find one with any kind of real quality to it I'll be fucking stunned.  Where are all the GOOD visual novels, huh?!

Where's my PC steam port of Kamaitachi No Yoru?!  This is a REAL visual novel!  None of this fucking stupid kawaii anime girl with huge tits trying to slobber over your dick, this is the real deal.  A really well written murder mystery game that tasks the player at trying to figure out who the killer is for themselves rather than just being strung along by the nose with text boxes.  This game is not only a great read but there is some actual challenge and puzzle solving to be done if you want to get the best ending.  This is double true if you play the original version that doesn't have all that flowchart crap.

I'm all for this increase in VNs on Steam but can we get some actual good ones rather than all this wank material?