First the PS3 controller. The PS3 Controller is a pretty good pad that feels nice and is easy to game with, a good piece of essential gear for the system. However, lurking inside the controller is a small piece of styrofoam that over time, with use, will wear down. When this sucker wears down it causes your controller to start putting out random inputs. For example I've been trying to slog my way through Castlevania: Lords of Shadow, an absolutely terrible game that gets even worse when the main character, Gabriel, is just doing whatever the fuck he wants. Sometimes I would be in combat and despite me not pressing the X button to jump, he would jump. Even more annoyingly is that killing enemies drops souls that you absorb to charge a magic bar with the L3 button, but pressing L3 would also, for some reason, press L1 which would activate the magic mode and waste whatever energy you just absorbed. The game is already shit and with this extra hurdle it makes me want to not play it at all.
So I head online and try to find a fix and thankfully I find one. A simple fix that involves opening the pad, finding the little piece of styrofoam that is apparently the cause of the issue and wrapping some electrical tape around it. So I did that, great success no problem! However when I put the pad back together, that plastic that keeps the shoulder buttons in place was so old and shitty that it basically just shattered in my hands. It's not like I was slamming the controller back together, I was trying to be as careful as possible and the whole thing just fucking fell apart. But even if I was doing an Incredible Hulk impression with my controller, why the fuck do I even have to do this in the first place? I have retro controllers that are god knows how many years old and those all work fine so why the shit is the PS3 pad made like this?!
What's even worse, is that I ordered a Hori 3 controller off Amazon to replace it. I went for this pad because its compatible with the PC and I wanted a pad to replace the shitty PS4 controller. The reason the PS4 controller is in the title is because while it does work great when being played with the PS4, playing with it hooked up to a PC is a FUCKING. NIGHTMARE. The micro-USB connection in the top of the pad is looser that your mum and disconnects from the computer constantly. If you've ever watched a stream where I'm using the pad, you will hear that disconnect/reconnect sound CONSTANTLY and its really fucking annoying when it happens in the heat of game play. I've never had this issue with any other device that uses micro USB, why is the PS4 pad made like such garbage in this regard?
So the Hori 3 works great on my PC but plugging it into my PS3 turned out to be a complete shit show. I fire up Castlevania and all the buttons work but for some reason the sticks don't work. I can do everything except what is possibly the most important function of the character, move. This would also happen when using the PS4 controller with the PS3. All these pads are the same fucking thing why do they have to operate so differently between games?! It's not even consistant either since I had an issue when streaming No More Heroes on PS3 where I couldn't block attacks only to realize that the issue was that in that game, the shoulder buttons weren't working and everything else was just fine. Playstation hasn't changed its controller layout since the fucking first system they put out, how is this so much hassle? It boggles the mind.
Now I was only going to complain about my Playstation pad woes in this post but any chance to shit on Nintendo I'm going to take. At least with the Sony controllers they either worked properly for a long time or have annoying things when being used out of their primary intended use. However the controllers on the Switch don't even get that and the Joycons are quite possibly one of the worst things I've ever had the displeasure of using. Not only do they feel like shit but they start to drift if you so much as look at them funny. I was getting Switch drift in less than a year of owning the system and MAYBE I'd understand if I was playing Smash Brothers 10 hours a day but my sticks starting drifting after playing though Fire Emblem of all fucking things. No real intense stick use, just moving a cursor around a grid and selecting things on a menu was too much for that flimsy sack of garbage. The only game I played before that was Breath of the Wild which, while a bit more intense on the stick, wasn't too heavy on rapid or strong movements.
But we all know the reason why the Joycons suck so much shit. It's so that you shell out an additional 6-8000 yen for a Pro Controller. Do you want to enjoy the games for the system that you already paid money for or do you want to torture your hands and give yourself permanent muscle damage from using the Joycons? Well if its the former better break out your wallet, motherfucker
Fuck you Nintendo, I hate you
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