The Worst Battle Theme Of All Time

 

Metaphor ReFantazio is an upcoming game with a stupid title from the boys over at ATLUS that I'm actually quite exicted for.  It looks like a neo-persona game, right down to the main chracter and Mitsuru-elf but its set in some weird fantasy kingdom full of monsters that look like abstract paintings come to life.  I'm avoiding most of the news and updates regarding it, as I do with most games, so that when I do get my hands on it I'm not tainted by hype or marketing but one thing crossed my path from this game that's so batshit that I can't help but want to talk about it.

A video popped up in a Megami Tensei group I lurk in that featured the games battle theme.  I'll embed it here so that you can hear it for yourself. 

At the start it sounds fine, just a sort of generic orchestra dollar store tier Nier wannabe music but then the male vocals kick and it sweet mother of baby Demifiend what the FUCK is that actual shit?  It sounds ridiculous.  Maybe if it was some kind of real world language being used then I might not think it so laughable but it just sounds like some guy doing opera gibberish.  It's distracting and sounds fucking awful, I have no idea how I am going to be able to take any of the combat seriously if this starts playing every time I get into a fight.

But when I look at the comments for this track, people seem to be praising it but I have an idea as to why I'm having such an adverse reaction to it.  Back when I was a child there was a panel show on British television called Shooting Stars.  The hosts of the show, Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer would sometimes do a "club singing" round, where Vic would sing a very distorted and silly version of a song and the contestants had to guess what it was.  Example below

And this is the problem, when those vocals kick in for that battle theme all I can see in my minds eye is Vic Reeves fucking club singing.  Hell, given the pace and the flow of the song it almost sounds as if it's Vic Reeves club singing the rap from Persona 3's Mass Destruction.  So maybe if you're British and of a certain age then the Metaphor battle theme will tickle a very silly bit of your brain and if you aren't then maybe it sounds just fine.  That's my theory as to why I and a few of my friends have had such an adverse reaction to it.

To give credit where it's due though, its certainly a memorable song.  Nobuo Uematsu came out recently saying something along the lines of modern game OSTs being a bit boring and I agree with that statement.  There's tons of games with great soundtracks all the way up to the PS3 but I don't think there's many current or last-gen games that you could name where I could just instantly start humming or singing a tunes from their soundtracks, it's all become sort of orchestral mush.  Even games that have good soundtracks like Final Fantasy 7 have them ruined by this grand orchestra bullshit as seen in the likes of Remake and Rebirth.  When I think of JENOVA, my brain defaults to that glorious, high energy PS1 version and not that absolute white-noise trash found in Rebirth.  So despite me calling it the worst battle theme of all time, it at least stands out.  It's so silly that I sometimes find myself in the kitchen singing it as I cut meat and vegetables for dinner, it has wormed its way into my brain and will not leave.

Either way, maybe in the context of the game it won't sound as silly and I'm not about to let Vic Reeves of all people ruin my enjoyment of an upcoming release.  Let's be honest, anyway, you know and I know that I'm gonna be singing along to this shit when I inevitably stream it anyway.  Bring on October, I can't wait.