Technology Makes Me Feel Old

I'm 24 years old and I feel bad saying that I feel old.  I have friends who are in their 30s and beyond who would scoff at the idea of me saying I feel old but I don't give a shit, I feel old.

I started gaming when I was 4 with the Sega Megadrive and I got into my gaming history right away taking an interest in old home computers (with proper floppy discs) and older systems before eventually moving onto the more modern stuff.  It's only been 20 years since I started this grand hobby which really isn't all that much time except technology moves so fucking fast that it's much easier to be aware of your own age if you're into things such as games or computers.

It doesn't feel like all that long ago I was sat at home being absolutely awestruck by 2D games such as Sonic the Hedgehog or Donkey Kong Country 2.  But before I knew it I was sitting in front of my computer watching trailers with my friend for the DS, a PORTABLE system that had fucking 3D graphics and that blew my god damn mind.  Now look at where we stand, graphics out the wazoo and games that can be bought and downloaded off the Internet in just a few clicks.  Portable systems that have not only stupidly good visuals but fancy gimmicks such as touch screens and AR cards to make anime girls dance across your desk space.

I think a lot of people take technology for granted but if you stop and think about it, it makes you feel really fucking old.  I still remember when playing a game on the Internet was a big fucking deal, it was an event back then.  The idea of being able to play with someone who wasn't directly sat next to me made my head spin.  Nowadays being online is no biggie and a lot of games won't function or have features locked out if you don't have a constant Internet connection.

It's not just games either, if you think about anything electronic it'll give you that sense of age.  I work as a teacher and I was doing a lesson using a DVD.  It then struck me that all of my students wouldn't have a fucking clue what a VHS tape is.  I remember back when I was doing my A-Levels (which doesn't feel so long ago) and getting excited when the teacher would break out those old black tapes because it meant I could goof off for a bit.  I'm sure that same feeling is happening to today's students but it's when a teacher whips out a DVD rather than those old black rectangles.

I'm not all that old, deep down I know that, but fuck if being into games and electronics doesn't make you feel your age.

Next Gen is Really Grinding My Gears

OK, this is fucking stupid. 

Not too long ago we saw the release of the PS4 and Xbox One, something that should be an exciting time with all these new games and fancy hardware to play it on.  But no, it's not an exciting time, it's a time filled with loud obnoxious noises, sighing and eye rolling.  Let me show you what I mean.

That's a montage of the Xbox One making horrible grinding noises when you put the disc in, and there is a PS4 version as well.  Not to mention that since the release of these systems, a great deal of my twitter feed is "oh, my PS4 broke" or people asking questions like "just how many people have faulty systems?" and then getting a ton of replies.

This is fucking unacceptable!  When I bought my fat PS3 when MGS4 came out, I had absolutely no issues, and until it got stolen there were no problems.  Same with my slim PS3, which is preowned as well, zero problems there.  I had no problems when I was gifted my first Mega Drive, no problems when the N64 came out, nothing for the Dreamcast and then in 2013 suddenly the cutting edge systems have stupid high failure rates.

Microsoft and Sony...why fucking bother?  I don't want to have to worry about my potential purchase of a PS4 or Xbox One maybe failing because YOU can't fucking quality control.  One or two faulty systems is just tough luck, that shit happens, but THIS much faulty hardware being sold to people is a fucking joke and you should be ashamed.

Just go look at twitter for a while or do some searching on YouTube and there are tons of people with videos or tweets about how their shit isn't working as intended or just flat out not working at all.  Hell, the systems are less than a month old and already the term "Blue Light of Death" has been made up for the PS4.

So until this shit gets fixed, fuck next gen.  Right now there aren't any games I even want to play and even if they were I wouldn't want to spend the money because my system probably won't work.  So yeah, get fucked Sony and Microsoft, how about making something that works before taking peoples money?  Bunch of arseholes need to go drown in a lake of dicks.

Let's Talk Sonic

13th December 1993 was the day I first received a Sega Mega Drive (Genesis if you're American and wrong) with a copy of The Lion King from my parents.  On the 25th December of that year I got Sonic 1 and 2 as presents, that was a good day.

At the age of 4 I was fucking enthralled with these video games and thanks to Sonic and The Lion King I am now the game loving lunatic who writes crap articles on a blog you are seeing today.  Sonic was fucking great back then and he was a big deal too.  There was all sorts of sonic related shit like merchandise, comics, TV shows and the list goes on.

But something went wrong, arguably around 2006 when he got a game on the Xbox 360.  Ever since that fucking game the Sonic franchise has been in the absolute shitter, and the only game that has come close to delivering a good sonic experience is Sonic Generations.

What makes the whole situation really sad is that you could fix the whole Sonic thing on basically no money and it baffles my goddamn mind why they don't do this.  So, here they are, 2 points that would save Sonic the Hedgehog.

1) Get rid of the fucking friends

Sonic's friends are the fucking worst, I can't stress how bad these characters are.  I'll give you Sonic, Tails and Knuckles, they are fine but shit like Shadow, Amy, that fucking cat from Rush, Cream and every other strange creature just need to fuck off forever.  NO ONE with any kind of brain or taste like Sonic's friends.  The people who do like this group of stupid arseholes are the kind of people that do weird fan art on the internet and do character cosplay to go fucking shopping.  They need help, not games designed for them

2) Just make it 2D; the more Mega Drive-like the better

Part of the problem with modern Sonic is the whole 3D thing.  I mean it was OK in Adventure 1 and 2 but for the most part, playing Sonic in 3D is fucking arse.  Trying to control a character who moves at that speed is basically impossible and I think this fact just has to be accepted.  So I said before that you can make a good Sonic game for no money, here is now!  Simply take the engine used for Sonic 2 or 3, get some level designer who knows what he/she is doing to get a bunch of shit together, get a decent musician to bash out some catchy 16 bit tunes, release it on PC under steam or some shit and BAM! Sonic might not be terrible anymore.

Megaman went and released fucking TWO 8-bit games on the PS3/360 and they did pretty damn well.  Why are you clinging to this fucking 3D garbage when no one wants it.  I don't care that you have designs for Cullus the Dung Beetle or some shit ready to go, throw that shit in a fire and go make a 16 bit Sonic game so that you remember how to fucking do it.

Then mail me 50% of your profits. You're fucking welcome.

Castlevania Series Run: Castlevania Bloodlines

OK! This will be the last update in my Castlevania Series Run posts because today I finally got round to starting the PSP remake of Rondo of Blood! This was the last game I played before I took my little break but now I'm back to vampire killing in full force!

This, to me, is probably one of the most interesting Castlevania titles out there.  First of all, it was on the Sega Genesis (or Megadrive if you're not American) which is a strange fact on it's own since every other Castlevania game up to this point was on a Nintendo console at that point.  But what's really interesting about this game, is the fact that it tries to tie in Bram Stoker's Dracula book with the series of games.  Of course, the tie in is a very loose one and there are lots of problems with what's written in the manual and what actually happened in the original story, but it was a cool idea to try and pull off something like this.

So in this game, you get to choose between two guys, John Morris (Whip dude) and Eric Lecarde (Spear dude).  The game isn't designed so that it's easier with a certain character, so playing with both of them is pretty fun.   For the run is just completed, I opted for John Morris because how many games are there where you can whip things to death?  They both play in distinct ways and each character will have to tackle certain situations differently which gives the game some replay value for a while.

The level design is also really good here.  The whole game isn't set inside Dracula's castle, instead you go around most of Europe whipping the shit out of whatever nasties are being thrown at you, and the stage traps are fun and interesting without falling into the realms of bullshit.  The most famous example of this is probably the "mirror" room right near the end of the game.

The whole room starts to split up and it really fucks with your sense of where you are in relation to the platforms, but it doesn't feel like an unfair challenge.  Everything can be figured out with a bit of thought and careful planning, but the game does a good job of making you think on your feet.

My one real complaint about this game is the difficulty.  Good lord is it an easy game, I'd imagine even people not that familiar with the challenge of the past games would be able to breeze through it without too much difficulty. 

That said it's still a good laugh and worth at least a single playthrough, so give it a go!  The next post will come when I beat Rondo of Blood, so expect a bit of a gush at that time.