Sonic the Hedgehog Trailer

So the trailer for the new Sonic movie dropped and OH BOY what an experience that was to watch for the first time.

So I think everyone in existence who saw the design of Sonic for this movie recoiled at just how awful he looks in this film.  He just looks....weird.  I think what they were trying to do was to make him look "realistic" but now we have this..thing..that makes just a little bit of sick come up in the back of your throat every time you see him.  For me personally it's the teeth, whenever he opens his mouth and I can see his teeth it just weirds me out for some reason.  Whoever designed that and whoever OK'd that design really needs a slap upside the head.

But that aside, the trailer actually sort of impressed me.  It's not going to win any awards but if you go in expecting a dumb bit of fan wank based loosely on some video game source material this looks like a good bet to me.  Jim Carrey as Eggman/Robotnik really made that trailer for me, from those small clips I already really enjoy the performance he's giving out with it.  I mean, for a Sonic movie to be "true" to its source material all it really needs is Sonic, Eggman, robots and sonic destroying those robots.  In the trailer it shows Eggman chasing Sonic and some dude in a car where Sonic then gets out of the car and spindashes Eggmans vehicle causing it to fly off the road.  Sonic quips at him and then Eggman sicks some robots on him.  Can't get much more Sonic than that without making the movie just a 90 minute lets play of the first game.

For anyone who looked at that trailer and threw their hands up angrily like "oh my god what the fuck is wrong with these people?!" my reply to you is "what the fuck is wrong with YOU!?".  Video game movies have been shit since the dawn of video game movies.  Just because you ironically like the original Mario Brothers movie doesn't change the fact that it's a steaming pile of shit that has nothing to do with Mario.  I can hear people screaming at me now like "But Silent Hill is a good video game movie", which it's not.  Even the Mario Bros movie didn't misunderstand the source material quite as hard as that movie did, Silent Hill isn't just hot garbage but it's offensive hot garbage.  On top of that, don't forget the piles of boring, forgettable, shit video game movies like fucking Hitman and Warcraft that have come out over the years.

This will either be a good bit of stupid fun and be remembered for being so bad it's good OR it'll be a boring pile of nothing that everyone will forget about in 6 months after it's release.  I for one, can't wait to see it, I'll be in that line for the theatre DAY. ONE.

Technology Makes Me Feel Old

I'm 24 years old and I feel bad saying that I feel old.  I have friends who are in their 30s and beyond who would scoff at the idea of me saying I feel old but I don't give a shit, I feel old.

I started gaming when I was 4 with the Sega Megadrive and I got into my gaming history right away taking an interest in old home computers (with proper floppy discs) and older systems before eventually moving onto the more modern stuff.  It's only been 20 years since I started this grand hobby which really isn't all that much time except technology moves so fucking fast that it's much easier to be aware of your own age if you're into things such as games or computers.

It doesn't feel like all that long ago I was sat at home being absolutely awestruck by 2D games such as Sonic the Hedgehog or Donkey Kong Country 2.  But before I knew it I was sitting in front of my computer watching trailers with my friend for the DS, a PORTABLE system that had fucking 3D graphics and that blew my god damn mind.  Now look at where we stand, graphics out the wazoo and games that can be bought and downloaded off the Internet in just a few clicks.  Portable systems that have not only stupidly good visuals but fancy gimmicks such as touch screens and AR cards to make anime girls dance across your desk space.

I think a lot of people take technology for granted but if you stop and think about it, it makes you feel really fucking old.  I still remember when playing a game on the Internet was a big fucking deal, it was an event back then.  The idea of being able to play with someone who wasn't directly sat next to me made my head spin.  Nowadays being online is no biggie and a lot of games won't function or have features locked out if you don't have a constant Internet connection.

It's not just games either, if you think about anything electronic it'll give you that sense of age.  I work as a teacher and I was doing a lesson using a DVD.  It then struck me that all of my students wouldn't have a fucking clue what a VHS tape is.  I remember back when I was doing my A-Levels (which doesn't feel so long ago) and getting excited when the teacher would break out those old black tapes because it meant I could goof off for a bit.  I'm sure that same feeling is happening to today's students but it's when a teacher whips out a DVD rather than those old black rectangles.

I'm not all that old, deep down I know that, but fuck if being into games and electronics doesn't make you feel your age.

Let's Talk Sonic

13th December 1993 was the day I first received a Sega Mega Drive (Genesis if you're American and wrong) with a copy of The Lion King from my parents.  On the 25th December of that year I got Sonic 1 and 2 as presents, that was a good day.

At the age of 4 I was fucking enthralled with these video games and thanks to Sonic and The Lion King I am now the game loving lunatic who writes crap articles on a blog you are seeing today.  Sonic was fucking great back then and he was a big deal too.  There was all sorts of sonic related shit like merchandise, comics, TV shows and the list goes on.

But something went wrong, arguably around 2006 when he got a game on the Xbox 360.  Ever since that fucking game the Sonic franchise has been in the absolute shitter, and the only game that has come close to delivering a good sonic experience is Sonic Generations.

What makes the whole situation really sad is that you could fix the whole Sonic thing on basically no money and it baffles my goddamn mind why they don't do this.  So, here they are, 2 points that would save Sonic the Hedgehog.

1) Get rid of the fucking friends

Sonic's friends are the fucking worst, I can't stress how bad these characters are.  I'll give you Sonic, Tails and Knuckles, they are fine but shit like Shadow, Amy, that fucking cat from Rush, Cream and every other strange creature just need to fuck off forever.  NO ONE with any kind of brain or taste like Sonic's friends.  The people who do like this group of stupid arseholes are the kind of people that do weird fan art on the internet and do character cosplay to go fucking shopping.  They need help, not games designed for them

2) Just make it 2D; the more Mega Drive-like the better

Part of the problem with modern Sonic is the whole 3D thing.  I mean it was OK in Adventure 1 and 2 but for the most part, playing Sonic in 3D is fucking arse.  Trying to control a character who moves at that speed is basically impossible and I think this fact just has to be accepted.  So I said before that you can make a good Sonic game for no money, here is now!  Simply take the engine used for Sonic 2 or 3, get some level designer who knows what he/she is doing to get a bunch of shit together, get a decent musician to bash out some catchy 16 bit tunes, release it on PC under steam or some shit and BAM! Sonic might not be terrible anymore.

Megaman went and released fucking TWO 8-bit games on the PS3/360 and they did pretty damn well.  Why are you clinging to this fucking 3D garbage when no one wants it.  I don't care that you have designs for Cullus the Dung Beetle or some shit ready to go, throw that shit in a fire and go make a 16 bit Sonic game so that you remember how to fucking do it.

Then mail me 50% of your profits. You're fucking welcome.