New Glitchy Games are NOT OK!

I've probably said it once on this blog before but I'm going to say it again because it keeps happening and it pisses me off.

Recently Assassin's Creed Unity got released and the first things I see about the game aren't launch trailers or reviews or people hyping up the game.  No, what I see are a number of articles talking about just how fucking buggy the game is.  There's even a video on YouTube I watched on my commute home called "Glitch in the Animus" or something, showing all the buggy shit in action.  Paying customers aren't happy with the current state of the game either with it weighing in at 4.6 on Metacritic.  I know that's not really the best way to judge anything but it's clear to see that people are pissed and apparently for good reason.

What I don't understand is that they've been making these games since fucking 2007 and judging from the ones I've played there isn't too much drastically different from each title.  I'm not a developer and I have no idea about coding, so forgive me if I sound stupid, but one would think that if you keep using the same shit to produce these games that it would get more stable, not less, right?  I know open world games tend to have quite a few bugs with them but judging from what I'm reading on the net, AC: Unity is just taking the piss.

Now I've not played AC: Unity yet and I don't think I will for a long time but what I'm about to say applies to any game really.  If you're going to release a game, especially one that's part of a popular series and you expect people to pay full price, make sure it's fucking finished.  At a very basic level, make sure that the player is able to play and enjoy the game without being dragged out of the experience because they fell through the world or NPCs are spazzing out weirdly all over the map or whatever.  Make sure to release a game that doesn't frustrate people by having a significant amount of slowdown or crashing issues or anything like that because we're paying a lot of money for this shit at launch, it better fucking work.

I hate this fucking attitude of the modern game industry of "release now, fix later" because by the time "later" rolls around I'm already pissed off and have shelved your shitty game.  Almost every game has glitches to some degree, no body's perfect, but they shouldn't be this prevalent from day 1.  Just look at fucking Ocarina of Time, that game is glitch crazy but when I was playing it for the first time back in the day, I didn't notice any of them, the game worked flawlessly.  Now, when I buy a new game, I have to cross my fingers and hope that it isn't so infested with bugs that I have to wait for a patch or whatever.

I'm using AC: Unity as an example because it's the newest one out, but there are plenty of games that I have played and thought to myself "this simply wasn't finished or tested properly".  I don't give a shit that game development is hard, if you want my money, produce a quality product you wankers.

Still sore about Silent Hill: HD Collection.

Your Race, Gender or Sexuality Doesn't Fucking Matter!!!!

Well fuckin' shit, I called it didn't I?  E3 2014 isn't even fucking over yet and I'm already hearing news of "outcry" from twats with too much time on their hands who don't know what they are talking about and hate fun.

Before I continue, let me put a big fat disclaimer on this post.  I am NOT Anti-Gay, Anti-Women or a racist and the fact that I have to spell this out for a number of people is fucking sad.  I'm not going to judge a person based on the colour of their skin, their genitals or what they decide to do with said genitals.  If I call you a fuckin' asshole, it's because you are being a goddamn fucking asshole and something as base as your sexuality, race or gender doesn't even fucking factor in.

Now that I've got that out of the way, let me address the first bit of outcry I got tipped off about and that was regarding the dude in the picture at the top of the post.  He is the villain from Farcry 4 and he's a flamboyant warlord type that goes around in a pink suit and has a foppish haircut.  The outcry comes from the fact that he MIGHT (Yes, MIGHT is the key fucking word because no one actually knows) be gay.

Well so fucking what? Villains can't be wealthy warlords? What kind of fucked up discrimination is that?  Well seriously the argument is that because he's the bad guy it's perpetuating and image of gays being "the bad guys" of society and teaches people that we should kill them off or some shit.  We all know that's bullshit and the only reason they are piping up about it is for attention and so that they have another wonky soapbox to stand on regarding the agenda.  But it's not just bullshit, it's fucking hypocritical!

[INCOMING SPOILERS]

This is Ellie from The Last of Us, as if you didn't fucking already know that since this game gets plastered everywhere.  In the DLC it was revealed that she was into chicks which is fine.  People were happy with this character being homosexual because she's the good guy and obviously they felt that the way Ellie was portrayed in The Last of Us painted homosexuals in a good light.

So let me get this straight....You're OK with good guys being homosexuals but when it's a bad guy it's a big no no?  Fuck off with your double standard!  You can't have it one when and then complain when it's another.

If you're going to complain about that kind of thing then as a British person I have way more fucking right to complain than you guys do.  Almost every villain in every action movie ever is some stuck up British dude, but you don't see us complaining do you?  Assholes

So now that I've complained about that, let's move on to outcry number 2 which is the whole thing about female characters in the new Assassins Creed.

I've talked about this issue before, maybe not on the blog but I discussed it with a few people with the game Deep Down which had a similar issue.  From a plot perspective and a development one, there was a reason for not including female playable characters in that game and it seems to be a similar issue here.  I don't care if you think the idea of including female models in the game to be used as player characters is too much work is bollocks, that's their story and they are sticking to it.

But at the end of the day, so fucking what?  Assassins Creed is a game about sneaking around and stabbing people in the face, who gives a flying rats arse if the protagonist or any other character in that game has a pair of tits or not?  As long as the sneaking is good and the stabbing is fun then who gives a shit about what gender the characters are.

Imagine if I took Doom and changed the little face at the bottom of the screen from a man to a woman.  Would it affect ANYTHING in that game? Of course it fucking wouldn't, it would still be fucking Doom and it would still be an amazing game.  So if we take Arno, the protagonist from AC: Unity and call him Arlina and give him a pair of tits, NOTHING FUCKING CHANGES.  You are STILL jumping on buildings being a sneaky bugger and you are STILL stabbing people in the face so WHO FUCKING CARES YOU WHINY PIECE OF SHIT.

There are rare examples of games that have included a characters sexuality or gender to actually mean something to the story.  Metal Gear Solid 3 is a good example of this.

This is Volgin, the bad guy and he just happens to be a fucking psychopath who gets off on sexually torturing people.  However, he also happens to be bisexual but in THIS case, that fact is an important part of his character.  He's not just some chauvinist torturing women for kicks, he's a fucking nutter torturing EVERYONE for kicks and it doesn't matter if he's taking his electro powers to men, women or even fucking dogs, he gets off on it all and THIS makes him just that little bit more intimidating as a villain.  It doesn't paint bisexuals badly it paints HIM, Volgin, the character, as a total nutter and that's what they were going for.

Unfortunately this kind of thing is pretty rare.  Even characters that people cite as "Strong female leads" are completely interchangeable.   Faith, from Mirrors Edge for example is nothing more than a camera on legs that runs on buildings.  It could be Fred for all we care and it would still be a fun game, nothing would change.

95% of the time, the race, gender or sexuality of a character in a game doesn't fucking matter.  Developers don't hate gays, women and they sure as hell aren't racist so they aren't out JUST to offend you.  They are serving a market, which is mainly made up of straight males and that's why games are made the way they are.  If you don't like it you have 2 choices, fuck off and stop moaning OR make your own game to suit what you want to see.  We live in an age where crowd funding is super popular so getting capitol for a project like that isn't an unreasonable idea.

Finally I know, I fucking KNOW that not everyone who happens to be gay or female or whatever who plays games are like this, I'm very much aware that it's a vocal minority of idiots and it's sad because I can promise you there are a lot of people not quite as level headed as me who has it out for all of you because the caustic complaints of the few are giving the rational many a bad name.

What's even worse is that things like women's issues and gay rights are an actual thing that needs support in certain places.  There are countries where it's still illegal to be gay and women still get circumcisions which is fucking disgusting and THAT'S the kind of thing that needs to stop.

So stop moaning about fucking video games and go do something worth while.  There's enough of you to maybe make a difference if you put your mind to it, stop being so fucking petty.