Why Walking Simulators Are Insufferable

A genre that we have touched on this blog previously is the Walking Simulator.  An example of Walking Simulators would be things like Dear Esther, The Stanley Parable, Gone Home, Everyone's Gone To the Rapture or Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs

If you've not played any of those games then allow me to describe to you what a walking simulator is.  In a walking simulator, there is very little to no actual game play.  No challenge, nothing trying to stop you achieve your goals and very little in terms of mechanics outside of "use WASD to move and mouse to click".  The idea of this genre is that it's trying to deliver a good story to you by giving you an interactive environment for you to explore and discover the plot for yourself.

Now there's a number of reasons I find these games completely unbearable not only to play, but to hear people talking about.  The big reason that sticks out in my mind is that they aren't even games really.  A game is something that has mechanics, win and fail states, a goal to achieve maybe even some competition, things like that.  These games don't do anything like that, it's sort of like walking through an art gallery but all  the artwork was created by piss-gargling twats who think they are being deep.  "Digital Art" would be a better way to describe these pieces of software rather than video games.  For some reason the fact that they are marketed as video games just sort of upsets me.

Another reason that I hate these games are the people who make them and the people who play them.  Let me just show you a picture of the people who made indie trash heap Gone Home

These people make me sick, that fucking tit on the sofa with his beard, floppy hair and trendy glasses.  Then next to him that woman with that "ooh look at how much better than you" I am look on her face.  I bet she looks down on ACTUAL games and laughs with all her shitty indie friends about how cultured and artistic they are.  Of course I'm being needlessly mean but this is the impression a lot of these developers give off but even worse than poncy developers are the fans of these games.  All of them are insufferable little twats who think that walking simulators are one of the best things to happen to all of gaming.  Criticising a walking simulator will lead to them going on and on and fucking on about how "you just don't get it".  People joke on the Internet about games being "2deep4u" but fans of this genre tend to take that idea a bit too seriously.

However the thing that really gets to me about these games is the fact that it just takes a giant shit on actual talented developers who not only care about making games but giving us great story experiences as well.

Just look at Silent Hill, a game with a story line LEAGUES better than anything these poncy cockrockets have come out with and yet still manages to be an actual game.  Hell, the story is pretty much what this game is famous for but there are still enemies trying to kill you and puzzles for you to wrack your brain over that keep in well within the land of gaming.

Or what about Shadow of the Colossus?! A beautifully crafted game where you have to kill a bunch of mountains in order to selfishly save some dead girl.  However the more you play, the more you start to realize that maybe you aren't the hero of the story but instead some selfish prick taking a bit shit all over nature just because you're a bit lonely.  You start to feel an actual sense of guilt and doubt, as if what you're doing isn't quite right but you push on anyway BECAUSE its a game and you have to reach the end.  Then when you actually get to the end you're left feeling like complete shit BUT despite the effect that the story may have on you, you still had a good GAMING experience.  When you get over the guilt of being a prick you can play time attack and things like that and enjoy the game from a mechanical standpoint rather than an emotional, story based one.

Or hell, what about Kamaitachi No Yoru

This is an old Super Nintendo title that isn't much more than a fucking book on a cartridge.  Yes, a game that consists entirely of TEXT pisses me off significantly less than the walking simulator.  This is because while Kamaitachi is nothing but text, there is a mystery at its core that simply playing the game and picking text paths willy nilly will not give you the answer for.  You have to pay attention to all the details of the story and then even when you figure out who committed the murder you THEN have to figure out how exactly to move through the game in order to get the best ending.  It's like watching an episode of CSI but instead of the criminal being caught at the end you have to re-watch the episode like 4 or 5 times catching every little detail and then YOU have to decide which bits of evidence to use and which people to talk to in order to catch the guy.

These are just three but there are tons of games like this, tons of games making a great effort to marry fine storytelling and gaming mechanics in order to create unique and memorable experiences.  Then these fucking idiots come along, make some shitty story and put it into some shitty interactive environment and then crown themselves the kings and queens of artistic gaming.

Go choke on your Vente Starbucks you insufferable bastards.

If you need diverse games, then make them.

I can't believe it but #GamerGate is still a thing after all this time.  I at first thought it wouldn't get very far because the corruption behind games journalism has been a thing going back ALLLLLL the way to the Commodore 64 but after checking in with it for the last few days shit has been getting real.  Certain companies have pulled their advertising for certain websites after some certain hateful comments on twitter and many interesting people have joined the fray.

However I'm not commenting on #GamerGate, I'll leave my opinion on that whole situation for another day but very recently another twitter tag popped up which was #INeedDiverseGames.  To a degree I agree, the idea of more diverse story and characters in games is absolutely a good thing.  More writers exploring more ideas for plots and exploring ways to make these ideas work within a good game is a great thing.  More innovation in both story and game play is definitely what the games industry needs.

However, while I agree with the core idea, it still manages to piss me off.  Developers have spent a long time with a lot of hard work making games to entertain people and that hard work has paid off and they've been rewarded with loyal fanbases.  These companies know what their fans like and will try to make games that their fans will enjoy and hopefully while aiming to make entertaining games they will draw in more fans and do more business.

Then this group of people come along demanding more diverse games like they are entitled to a game about trans people or whatever and SOMEONE should accommodate that idea just because.  Well no, that's not how this shit works and throwing around demands (and in some cases insults) towards developers just makes you look like a childish idiot.

If there's one thing #GamerGate has showed me it's that there seems to be a group of people on the internet who somehow think that gaming is this thing that only straight white men can enjoy and it's something only straight white men have any say in.  This couldn't be further from the truth and quite frankly if there is anyone who believes that gaming is sexist/racist/homophobic or whatever then you are a moron of the highest calibre. 

If you NEED more diverse games then put down your phone, stop tweeting, learn to code or whatever and MAKE one.  No one is stopping you and no one will be against the idea of having certain main characters/story elements or game play mechanics if you make them FUN.  Remember, people don't hate Gone Home because it's about lesbians, they hate it because it's a shit none game which requires no skill and has shit writing.

Hell, if you wanted to make a game about same sex couples, rip off Castlevania Portrait of Ruin or something.  Have your same sex couple going around killing demons and tagging each other out with their unique powers, people will love that shit.  Make the whole thing a metaphor for gay people having to fight for the right for same sex marriage or something, as long as it's a good GAME then people will dig it. 

No ones excluding you from making games and the reason games with these themes and characters don't get made is because no one who knows enough about that stuff is in game development.  So go learn to code, make something entertaining to play and tell a good story then people will be more open to the idea of these games.

Stop demanding shit from developers like a spoilt little child and do some goddamn work.

Tau Does A Really Shitty Gone Home Playthrough

The Audio is terrible
The game is terrible
The story is terrible
Everything is terrible

Identity Gaming Content Update

Well recently blog content has been a little bit thin on the ground.  I'm not including the large amounts of speed running I've been doing on stream when I say that because that's not something that you could ever come back to (unless I PB and upload it). 

So today, instead of raging about the industry or talking about a specific game, I'd just take a little bit of time to tell you what's going on with the blog and what might be coming up soon.

Donation Incentives

Let's start with this one since this is the stuff that people have paid for and therefore it's the most important.

You may have noticed that a couple of the incentives have been met for a while but I've not done them.  Well I just want to put your minds at rest and let you know that I've not forgotten.

For 1000 Words, I was initially waiting to get to FFX-2 and sing it live on stream, but because I took up speed running as a hobby and that takes a great deal of time, it's taking me a while to get through those Final Fantasy games.  So, hopefully some time soon I'll be heading to a Karaoke booth and performing it there instead and it'll go on YouTube shortly after.  The only problem there is that my wife and I are quite busy even at weekends so we haven't had much time to hit a karaoke booth in a good while.  Next time I go, it'll be the first song I do!

Also the Japan Poop Story and the Habanero Pepper on stream need to be done.  It's basically impossible to find peppers in this damn country, so I'm going to use the hottest death sauce I can get my hands on.  Also I'm going to kill two birds with one stone and do those goals together but a few of the donators want to see it live and it's proving rather difficulty to sync schedules but as soon as we do that'll get done.

I'm also planning to add a bunch of new incentives next month, so keep an eye out for that and keep the donations coming!

Current Content

Outlast

I'm hoping to get this game done before the 16th of this month.  I was hoping to have it done sooner but then I got wrapped up in speed running Megaman X and THEN I got a cold, so my recording schedule got messed up.  Sorry for the delay and I'm not trying to make excuses but the game is kind of shitty too....which doesn't help matters.

Gone Home

A while ago a reader donated £25 for a Gone Home playthrough and even donated the game itself, so big shoutouts to you.  This is the next game to be played after Outlast and I'll be sure to try and get through this steaming pile as fast as I can.

The Japan Gamer

I have penned a bunch of episodes for the Japan Gamer, but putting them together is taking longer than I imagined since it's not a one man job, but you can expect quite a few individual game showcases coming pretty soon (I hope)

10 Minutes of Yaroze

I started this series while I was still in Sweden and once I moved to Japan it kind of fell to the wayside.  Well I want to rectify that and get some new episodes up, so expect some real strange PS1 indie nuggets soon.

New Content and Prize Givaways

The UFO Catchers

The UFO Catchers is a series I've been planning for a while now.  Basically me and a few buddies are going to hit a game centre at least once a month and try to win shit from the UFO catcher machines.  Anything we win will be put up for grabs via a charity raffle!  So if you're into anime or video game stuff, then you might want to get that donation money ready.  More details to follow.

Future Marathons 

Due to jobs and stuff, I've had trouble finding time for marathons.  That and my webcam is busted so I can't do any facecam stuff for the stream, which kind of sucks.  But SOON, I'm getting a new computer so the monthly marathons will come back real soon.  Also I'll make a prize available every marathon for donators, so get your wallets ready.

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Well that's it then folks, that's all the updates for now.  On a side note I'm planning to rework the site a little bit to make the content easier to navigate, but I have no clue how to go about doing that so that might take a while until I can find some time to chat with people in the know.

Thanks for your understanding and support!  Keep the donations coming and I'll keep producing content for you to enjoy!

Serena (Plus Small Rant About Gone Home and The Stanley Parable)

Every month I try to play at least one game released this year to add to my list of Awesome 2014 releases so that I have a nice pool of games to choose from when it comes to picking my top 5 in December.

This month I went with free Steam indie title, Serena and let me tell you, it won't be making any "best of" lists any time soon.

Serena is a very strange game, just because it's a free game that is never announced to you.  I saw it on Steam one day and when I clicked it to get more information, it said "You Already Own Serena".  This confused me since I hadn't bought it, or pressed any download button and it wasn't sitting in my library, but I went with it and gave it a download.  Checking the store now it's clearly labelled as free but I'm sure it wasn't when it was on the front page, but whatever.

According to the blurb on the store page for steam, Serena is an adventure game but that couldn't really be any further from the truth.  Serena is one of those "games" that keep popping up recently.  Absolutely 0 gameplay to be had, just story, more like interactive fiction than a game.  So that must mean the story is pretty good right?  Well no, it's not

The game starts out and your character is sat at a table.  The first thing you are presented with is a photo of him and his wife, but his wife has a scratched out face and he comments about how he can't remember anything about her.  You then walk around his log cabin, clicking on things and listening to him ramble about fond memories of her.  The next few paragraphs contain spoilers, I'll mark them and then you can skip past them if you actually give any kind of crap (you shouldn't)

SPOILERS

As you find items, he starts to remember some kind of argument they had and his ramblings go from fond memories to rants about how much he hates her.  You keep clicking around and in a pretty predictable twist you find a dead body in a cabinet which I think is the protagonists body (you're playing as his ghost or something, who fucking knows), then you get a scene with his (ex) wife and her new lover burning down the log cabin to hide the evidence of her killing you.

END SPOILERS

It sounds like an interesting premise to be honest with you, but it's so poorly presented that it failed to really grasp me.  Straight away I have no idea who anyone is, where I am or why I should care about this guy and his fucking problems.  He can ramble all he wants about his wife and how much he loves her whenever I click on a chair or a dinner table but at the end of the day I just don't give a flying rats arse.  The game presents me with no reason to care about these characters and there isn't really any conflict to resolve, I'm just listening to memories and watching events play out and I have absolutely 0 input.

So, it's a badly presented story with 0 gameplay, puzzle solving or brain power required so calling it an adventure game is a bit of an insult.  If you want to play a real adventure game with a vague plot about a man who can't remember a person who may or may not be his lover, play fucking Anna

http://identitygaming.blogspot.jp/2013/10/anna-extended-edition.html

Now, what does Serena, Gone Home and The Stanley Parable all have in common?

They aren't fucking games.  Now Gone Home and Serena are complete dogshit on a stick, but The Stanley Parable proved that you can have a game like this and make it entertaining at the same time, but I think the definition of "game" is a bit stupid.

Another title that proved you need minimal game play to be enjoyable is the Silent Hill Play Novel, a Japan only book version of Silent Hill which tries to expand on the game by going into great detail about Harry Mason's thoughts and feelings during his adventures through the haunted town.

But in Japan, people KNOW this shit doesn't really qualify as a game, and thus has been assigned it's own genre title of Sound Novel or Visual Novel.  I would stop getting so upset about Gone Home or Parable being praised so much if they weren't praised as being games.

The derogatory term I keep seeing get thrown around for these games is "walking simulator", which is kind of funny but a little unfair.  Give them a name fitting of their content, like interactive fiction or something then maybe I'll stop being so upset when they keep winning awards that they don't fucking deserve.

Interactive Fiction award?  Sure I can handle that
Adventure game award?  Get fucked and go play Monkey Island or Beneath a Steel Sky and learn what a REAL adventure game is you brain dead bag of shitty tissues.

"Games Are Art"? Piss Off!

There seems to be this big ongoing debate between gamers that games are art or whatever and before I explain my reasoning behind wanting this debate to just fuck off forever, let me at least acknowledge that they have a point.

Gaming as a medium is quite artistic, you can't really debate that.  You have 4 different mediums coming together in the form of writing, music, artwork and then interactivity on top of all that.  Slamming all that together to make a game is no easy task so to say games aren't artistic at all would be a bit silly.

But should games be considered art?  Well fucking no because art is fucking terrible.  I'm aware that made me sound like some kind of uncultured swine but hear me out.

One thing you may have thought when you first opened this page is "why did he put a blue (it looks purple thanks to blogger, whatever) rectangle at the top of this post?"  Well that's no ordinary blue rectangle, that's fucking ART!  I'm not even joking, that this is a piece by a bloke called Yves Klein and is titled "Blue". 

I took a page from his book and made my very own piece of artwork

I call this one Red, I'll be sure to get it hung the Tate Modern Art Gallery soon, I'll be expecting millions in my back account within the next few months.

Sarcasm aside, art is a load of toss surrounded by complete tossers.  I'm aware not all art is like this, there are some very skilled people out there doing very skilled work, but they are buried under the droves of tossers making crap and somehow getting large amounts of recognition for it.

So no, games shouldn't be considered art because art is a load of fucking bollocks.  I saw a video of a woman at some kind of art event rubbing shit all over herself in front of a large group of tossers and she was APPLAUDED FOR IT!  Games do not belong in the same category as this so called fucking "art".  If I ever find that video again I'll update this post.

The games that people want to call art, like Ico, Silent Hill 2, Dark Souls and all that stuff aren't trying to be art, they are trying to be games.  However, they use their given medium extremely well and as a result produce something that could be seen as artistic, I get that.

But do you want to know what happens when you TRY to make art within the medium of video games?

Yeah, this pile of stupid bullshit happens.  Badly written stupid bullshit made to pander to a certain section of brain dead pricks who think they are being either "progressive" or "deep". 

What's funny about Gone Home is that 100% of the people I've encountered who said Gone Home was a good game are tossers......so maybe it does have a place in the world of art.

Make GAMES, not ART!  When you make a GOOD fucking game, the artistry that went into making that game will shine through.   If you try to make art instead of games, you end up with shit like Gone Home and Dinner Date........so yeah, Art can go fuck itself.

Bring Back Point n' Click

What happened to this genre?  Back when I was a child shit like Sanitarium, Monkey Island and Grim Fandango were popular games but now this entire genre of puzzler has just dropped off the face of the earth.

If for some reason you don't know what I mean by "Point n' Click" it was a genre of puzzle game that involved a main character on some kind of adventure and the game play focused on solving clever puzzles using items you find in the world and exploration.  There was no combat in these games, just talking and puzzle solving all backed up by really good storylines.  Sure, there were shit point n' click games but the good ones were really good, memorable games that still hold up today if you ask me.

But then the genre just died and we barely see these games anymore.  Sure, we've had a couple attempt to do the whole point n' click thing but they are different and quite frankly, not as good.  To be honest I think it's a sad indication of games getting stupider.  In the age of checkpoints, set pieces and hand holding gameplay, the idea of a genre where the player is left to their own devices to explore and solve puzzles doesn't seem like it would sell many copies, which is a shame really.

The reason I make this post is because of my disappointment with a game called Gone Home, a title I haven't even played yet.

Now I'm not passing judgement on this game entirely because like I said a second ago, I've not actually had a chance to give it a go.  That said, upon first seeing it in the Steam store I got excited because I thought it looked like a point n' click game, something I would have been excited to try.  But then while browsing certain forums I came across a gif of the entire game being beaten in less than a minute.

Now I'm sure there is more to it than that, but the fact that this can be done means that it's probably not very good.  I've heard some things about the story and how it's really focused on that, but it isn't much of an excuse considering that Monkey Island had a proper story but still managed to be a suitable length and challenge.

Still, once it goes cheap on sale I'll still give Gone Home a try so I can pass some proper judgement, but it's a shame that it wasn't the point n' click game I hoped for.  It's not all doom and gloom though, if you do want to give this genre a try then there is a ton of abandonware that will run in Dosbox and Good Old Games is providing Beneath a Steel Sky, a really good Point n' Click for free, so go check that shit out and see what all the hubub is about.