Why Walking Simulators Are Insufferable

A genre that we have touched on this blog previously is the Walking Simulator.  An example of Walking Simulators would be things like Dear Esther, The Stanley Parable, Gone Home, Everyone's Gone To the Rapture or Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs

If you've not played any of those games then allow me to describe to you what a walking simulator is.  In a walking simulator, there is very little to no actual game play.  No challenge, nothing trying to stop you achieve your goals and very little in terms of mechanics outside of "use WASD to move and mouse to click".  The idea of this genre is that it's trying to deliver a good story to you by giving you an interactive environment for you to explore and discover the plot for yourself.

Now there's a number of reasons I find these games completely unbearable not only to play, but to hear people talking about.  The big reason that sticks out in my mind is that they aren't even games really.  A game is something that has mechanics, win and fail states, a goal to achieve maybe even some competition, things like that.  These games don't do anything like that, it's sort of like walking through an art gallery but all  the artwork was created by piss-gargling twats who think they are being deep.  "Digital Art" would be a better way to describe these pieces of software rather than video games.  For some reason the fact that they are marketed as video games just sort of upsets me.

Another reason that I hate these games are the people who make them and the people who play them.  Let me just show you a picture of the people who made indie trash heap Gone Home

These people make me sick, that fucking tit on the sofa with his beard, floppy hair and trendy glasses.  Then next to him that woman with that "ooh look at how much better than you" I am look on her face.  I bet she looks down on ACTUAL games and laughs with all her shitty indie friends about how cultured and artistic they are.  Of course I'm being needlessly mean but this is the impression a lot of these developers give off but even worse than poncy developers are the fans of these games.  All of them are insufferable little twats who think that walking simulators are one of the best things to happen to all of gaming.  Criticising a walking simulator will lead to them going on and on and fucking on about how "you just don't get it".  People joke on the Internet about games being "2deep4u" but fans of this genre tend to take that idea a bit too seriously.

However the thing that really gets to me about these games is the fact that it just takes a giant shit on actual talented developers who not only care about making games but giving us great story experiences as well.

Just look at Silent Hill, a game with a story line LEAGUES better than anything these poncy cockrockets have come out with and yet still manages to be an actual game.  Hell, the story is pretty much what this game is famous for but there are still enemies trying to kill you and puzzles for you to wrack your brain over that keep in well within the land of gaming.

Or what about Shadow of the Colossus?! A beautifully crafted game where you have to kill a bunch of mountains in order to selfishly save some dead girl.  However the more you play, the more you start to realize that maybe you aren't the hero of the story but instead some selfish prick taking a bit shit all over nature just because you're a bit lonely.  You start to feel an actual sense of guilt and doubt, as if what you're doing isn't quite right but you push on anyway BECAUSE its a game and you have to reach the end.  Then when you actually get to the end you're left feeling like complete shit BUT despite the effect that the story may have on you, you still had a good GAMING experience.  When you get over the guilt of being a prick you can play time attack and things like that and enjoy the game from a mechanical standpoint rather than an emotional, story based one.

Or hell, what about Kamaitachi No Yoru

This is an old Super Nintendo title that isn't much more than a fucking book on a cartridge.  Yes, a game that consists entirely of TEXT pisses me off significantly less than the walking simulator.  This is because while Kamaitachi is nothing but text, there is a mystery at its core that simply playing the game and picking text paths willy nilly will not give you the answer for.  You have to pay attention to all the details of the story and then even when you figure out who committed the murder you THEN have to figure out how exactly to move through the game in order to get the best ending.  It's like watching an episode of CSI but instead of the criminal being caught at the end you have to re-watch the episode like 4 or 5 times catching every little detail and then YOU have to decide which bits of evidence to use and which people to talk to in order to catch the guy.

These are just three but there are tons of games like this, tons of games making a great effort to marry fine storytelling and gaming mechanics in order to create unique and memorable experiences.  Then these fucking idiots come along, make some shitty story and put it into some shitty interactive environment and then crown themselves the kings and queens of artistic gaming.

Go choke on your Vente Starbucks you insufferable bastards.

10/10 Is Bullshit

Little disclaimer before I start this post that I've not played MGS5 yet and I'm actually super excited for it.  I'm not about to rag on MGS5 or any other game that has been awarded a 10 by any outlet but I'm ragging on the idea of giving a game, or anything for that matter, a "perfect" score.

So MGS5 came out recently to massive amounts of people singing its praises and a number of 10/10 scores from various gaming websites.  This is fine, because I know that MGS5 is going to be a really good game because Kojima is one of those few names you can trust to produce something of quality.  No matter what your opinion on the story might be, almost every Metal Gear game has been an absolute blast to play.  That said, giving it 10/10, or any game, seems like a bit much and feels like your trying to pander to the fandom rather than genuinely comment on the quality of the game.

I'm pretty sure I've said this in previous blog posts but as a concept numbered reviews are fantastically fucking stupid.  Trying to quantify a complex opinion on something down to a simple number is stupid and if you're the kind of person looking at nothing but the number to get a quick idea then you probably aren't making an informed purchase and you're likely to get burned.

The dreaded 10/10 is something that not really pisses me off but makes me roll my eyes in frustration.  10/10, to me, means that the game is perfect.  If a games writer (lol) gives a game a perfect score then they are making the claim that the game has absolutely no problems in any area.  This is bullshit because almost every game has something wrong with it in some way.  This isn't the fault of the developers, its just the nature of the beast when you have so much shit going on. 

Let's take a look at one game that I really love that got a few 10/10s

Do I agree that this game is fucking amazing?  Hell yeah I do, this is one of my favorite games on the PS2, but do I agree that it's perfect?  Fuck NO

SotC has its issues.  Getting lost in the over world can be a death sentence on your time the first time you play the game, some of the colossus feel a bit shit (that bull thing comes to mind) and scouring the map for lizards is one of the most painfully stupid things in any game ever.  However despite all that SotC delivers one of the most memorable experiences in all of gaming but it's still not perfect.

I suppose if you wanted to insist on shoving numbers on your review then at least split the numbers into categories and give the game a score out of 40 or 50 (which is what I think famitsu and a few other websites do).  I'd be less frustrated if you were to say something like "yeah, the story was perfect but the FPS dropped to 20 in high action and that kinda sucked" and then scored it appropriately.  You're still putting your opinion into a number which is dumb but it's less dumb than just having one big fat 10 at the bottom of the page.

Still, it's whatever, it's not like I pay attention to these scores anyway, it just feels like giving big AAA titles 10s is stupid pandering rather than good reviewing. 

World Cosplay Summit 2014

The World Cosplay Summit is an event that happens every year right on my doorstep.  A short 10 minute walk from my apartment this weekend led into a huge crowd of people all dressed up as their favorite anime and video game characters for this yearly celebration of nerdyness.

Now I'm not into anime AT ALL with the last thing I watched being Akagi, a show about Mahjong, at university so most of the things that people were dressed as went right over my head but that didn't stop it from being super impressive either way.  However there were plenty of video game characters I was plenty familiar with so I guess there's a little something for everyone.

I would say that even if you aren't into games, anime or cosplay it's still an event worth going to.  Some of the things that people pull off are so outlandish that it's the kind of thing that has to be seen first hand to believe.  It also coincides with the Osu Festival (temple pictured above) so you can wander away from the cosplayers and experience something a bit more traditional and it makes a great weekend.

Unfortunately, I was busy this weekend and didn't get to spend a lot of time there but below I'll share a few snaps I got on my camera with you.  Enjoy!

A really awesome Wander from SotC

Sephiroth

 

A sexy Mario being bombarded by nerds with big cameras

These were all the gaming ones I got, I'll put the anime related ones on twitter or something.

Game Devs Should Stop Making Movies

This was a post I was supposed to make ages ago, but I guess I got distracted by various other bullshit.  Anyway, before we begin, watch this video.

This video basically sums up everything wrong with big name game development.  All your stuff like this, Uncharted, The Last of Us and many others, while not being bad games by any stretch (although Ryse looks shite) are spending far too much time trying to be movies and not enough time trying to be games.

There's a bit in that video where the guys talking about how the development team are trying to increase the story and characterisation compared to movies.  This, my friends, is fucking WRONG.  Games are not movies and trying to better stories by making them more movie-esque does not solve the problem.

You see, game story is at it's absolute best when the game play compliments the story, and I'll give you two examples.

Silent Hill 2 is the sort of game that puts the story before it's gameplay, but it still succeeds as a game because the game play of Silent Hill 2 compliments that story.  The controls, the combat, the fog along with everything else compliment the story of James Sunderland looking for his dead wife.  Those emotions of fear that you feel as you wander through the town aren't felt because the game is forcing it down you with huge set pieces, it's because you are immersed in the game itself and the overall game feel is impacting how you feel.  What I mean by this is that you're not scared of Pyramid Head because James is like "OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE BIG SCARY MONSTER!!", you're scared by it because it's this big lumbering strangely shaped thing carrying a big knife that is A) Visually intimidating and B) Comes with the prospect of you having to reload a save.

Compare that with Silent Hill downpours mine cart sequence where it's a load of big flasy lights and effects on rails basically screaming at you "BE SCARED NOW! GO ON! DO IT!"

The other example I've got for you is Shadow of the Colossus

Shadow of the Colossus is the other example of a successful video game with a good story because in this games case, the story IS the game play.  You are basically plonked into a world that tells you that if you wanna revive the girl, go kill a load of giants.  You then experience the story visually as you kill each boss, explore the lands and watch the main character get increasingly beat up as he progresses and not once does it feel like you're playing a movie. All the emotions you feel as part of SotC's storyline are felt because they are happening directly to you.  Fear, victory, sadness, excitement are all felt as part of this game because they are what YOU feel as you confront an enemy and figure out and effective way to get to his weak spot.  The excitement you feel for that final boss and ending is something that YOU feel because you have come to the end of a long and arduous task that YOU have completed, not because a cut scene hypes the fight for you.

Ryse and a lot of AAA games on the other hand just lead you by the nose, the emotions are felt by the characters in the story and not by the player at all.  The player in games like Uncharted aren't being engaged by game play or game feel, they are just there for the ride, just to watch, like a movie!

Nothing inherently wrong about these kind of games but I feel like developers aren't using the medium to its fullest potential and are settling for a lazy way out by just trying to imitate the movie industry rather than pushing the bar and trying to deliver on deeper interactivity that compliments their story lines.

Ryse is doing it completely wrong by not only trying to be a movie, but basically removing game play by filling itself with QTE and massive set pieces that you have no real control of.

Bottom line, make GAMES! not movies.

Stop HDing Things

You know I don't really have a problem with HD collections, at least not most of them.  It's sort of nice to be able to get one disc and have all the Devil May Cry games available so that I don't have to change discs if I want to play DMC 1 instead of DMC 3 for example.

That said, I do think they are a little bit unneeded.  It's not like I was sat here thinking "oh, Shadow of the Colossus is a really good game but it looks like shit and I can't play it anymore".  The game looks fine on the PS2, and playing it now is just as much fun as playing it when it first came out.  Sure the HD collection made it look a bit nicer but at the end of the day it's still the same fucking game.

It's not like all HD collections have been successful either, with Silent Hill basically ruining whatever legacy Silent Hill 2 and 3 had by convincing all new users that the game is a load of arse.  Some HD collections even seem a little pointless, like God of War since it's not like original PS2 copies of those games are hard to find.

Well the reason I'm moaning so much about HD releases is because I'd rather see the money spent on that put into something new.  One of my biggest problems with this industry is that there are too many sequels to things and some things are getting a little stale.  Instead of pumping money into HD remakes of old games, why not try and create a new IP.  Something new and exciting that we can all point and go "holy shit look at that!" instead of "oh....another Assassins Creed" or "oh.....more Call of Duty"

Even something like Metal Gear Rising would be fine where your making a new game within an established series universe.  We get more of the story and characters we like but a fresh new way to play with them, which at least prevents me from being bored.

Basically, money should be going towards new stuff, not making old stuff prettier.  Give me something new and not just an up scaled version of a game I played less than 10 years ago, goddamn it.

Please Don't Make a Shadow of the Colossus Movie

So while I was digging around the internet for gaming related things, I came across at article on Gamespot that said "Shadow of the Colossus movie gets Hanna writer" here is the original article

http://uk.gamespot.com/news/shadow-of-the-colossus-movie-gets-hanna-writer-6402101

Now I've never seen Hanna or anything else written by the guy but the fact that this game is getting a movie upsets me, and it upsets me greatly, so let me tell you why.

This will not work as a movie, it just wont.  Think about the game itself, it's a dude running around, not saying anything, killing huge things to resurrect a dead girl.  How the fuck do you turn THAT into a movie that lasts at least an hour twenty?  If anything OTHER than that, is the plot of your movie, you are going to piss people off.

But games of movies are almost always awful, right?  On top of that, games of movies are also pretty shitty for the most part, so why is this?  Well for the answer lets look to Wagner!

This is a guy who would write music and opera and shit like that, and he basically came up with an idea known as Gesamkunstwerk, which is German for "Complete work of art".  Now I'm not super clued up on this whole thing, but the way I understand it is with something like Opera, if the music, sets, actors etc. etc. all come together in harmony, then it makes something really fuckin' good.

So that idea can be applied to this!  The reason game movies suck so bad is because you're talking away the whole GAME bit, and you're ruining the experience as a result.  The same goes the other way round, you have to change bits of a movie to make it a game, so you piss off fans of the movie, and gamers don't like it either because usually the game sucks ass.

The reason Shadow of the Colossus is so damn good, is because all the elements of that game make it so.  You take away the whole gameplay bit, the whole bit that makes you sympathise with just how hard this guys fuckin' job is, then you're taking away from the experience, and you're going to be left with a steaming piece of shit most likely.

So please, for the love of God, if you really are planning to make a movie of this game, FUCKING DON'T!