Monday 30 September 2019

Earth Wars: A Godawful Mess

Earth Wars is by far one of the worst indie games I've ever played and I'm the kind of Steam user that spent 25p buying a game called "Oppai Girl" so that's saying A LOT.

Earth Wars is a game that I played on PS4 after getting it for free as part of my PS+ games one month.  I finished it last week after nearly a solid year of chipping away at it because playing it for any more than about 20 minutes at a time made me want to vomit in my mouth.

The story is set after some aliens show up and make a mess of planet Earth so you and your squad have to get in there and get rid of the aliens.  Truth be told, the story had a lot more going on than that but by the 4th area or so I was so sick of it's technobabble that I just started skipping everything.  Aliens are bad and the power suits used by the Earth forces may or may not also be killing them or something like that, who knows and who cares?

Earth Wars really falls down though in it's gameplay department.  Each major section of the game is bookended by a mission where you'll kill a big boss alien.  After you kill the boss alien you are given a real timer that usually counts down from something absurd like 60 hours.  From there you play sub missions which usually involve finding an item, racing around a zone or killing a certain enemy and you are rewarded with skills for completing these quests.  The missions start to get dull and samey right in the first zone but by the end of the game every missions is basically "hey, go kill this major boss again" and it becomes even more tedious.  Finishing a mission reduces the timer by a handful of hours so clearing a few missions gets you to the next big story beat but you actually have to CLEAR the mission for it to count.  Meaning if you spent 20 minutes on one mission only to fail it near the end, then have fun doing that all over again unless you want to leave the game running for 60 ACTUAL hours.

The gameplay within these missions is even worse.  Imagine a game like Odin Sphere or Muramasa but as if it was designed by a guy who was extremely high on very powerful painkillers for the entire development cycle.  It's wooden, unresponsive, nonsensical, confusing and a whole ton of other adjectives that mean bad things.  Your character controls like your controlling one of those paper puppets with the butterfly pins so that the child who made it can manipulate the joints.  The enemies animate just as atrociously so usually combat is dreadful yet manageable but there's one clawed enemy in particular that is so fast and powerful that you are guaranteed to lose about half your life bar to one EVERY TIME.  Everything is just so janky and difficult to control and for a fast paced action game like this that's very clearly trying to be Odin Sphere or Muramasa but IN SPACE it's a massive letdown.

I do want to end on a positive note so I will say that the backgrounds and nicely drawn and the does use an interesting skill system.  You sort of have this network of nodes where one half is stat boosts and the other half is your movements.  So you can junction +X attack to the first, second or third swing of your sword so you can either spread that damage out or just do what I did and make the first attack hit like a truck and then everything else just be a shitty follow up to try and proc the death effect from my sword.  There is also a crafting system that I expect wanted you to make elemental weapons to exploit weaknesses and stuff but you just make a weapon have a death attribute that you can just smack a normal enemy until it gets the effect and then dash around the field until it dies, rendering all non boss combat trivial.

Clearly the developer of this game had their heart in the right place.  It's a terrible, horrendous, irredeemable shitty mess but a clear effort was made and I can respect that.  However that doesn't excuse the game itself from being as bad as it is.  I got it for free and I want my money back


Saturday 28 September 2019

First Impressions of Dragon Quest Walk

It's not often that a mobile game grabs my attention but the release of Dragon Quest Walk was one I was very excited for, especially coming off the back of Dragon Quest 11.  Before I go any further I have to warn you that as far as I know, this game is Japan only so if you don't live in Japan and don't care about how cool my new toys are then you may as well stop reading now

For those that do care however, Dragon Quest Walk is probably one of the best mobile games I've played ever.  It's got a decent amount of content considering it just launched, it's running special events already and if you're looking for a way to sort of "gamify" your power walks, this is a great way to do it with.

The way you play is very simple.  You start a quest and the game will ask you where on the google map you want to place your goal.  You then have to physically walk to the place you set the goal, fighting monsters along the way and when you arrive you'll be given a story tidbit or you'll fight a monster or something.  Rinse and repeat until your lean as fuck from all that walking.  If it sounds a bit repetitive that's because it is but DQ Walk strikes me as a game that is a fitness app first and an RPG second.  Unlike Pokémon Go, where you can sit in one place with a lure and catch monsters all day, DQ Walk DEMANDS that you be constantly moving.  Sitting in one place waiting for monsters to spawn means that you'll be quickly running out of HP and MP and eventually things to fight.  Keeping moving however and you can tap "heal pots" on the map to recover and get items and enemies will spawn at an increased rate.  The game also has a "milage" systems where every week you are tasked to break a certain number of pots, fight a certain number of encounters and walk a certain number of steps to acquire points which can then be traded for goodies.

There's other systems as well such as raids which I can't comment on because I've yet to do one.  There's a house system where you put an icon on your map that is your home and you can decorate it with furniture and whatnot and players are incentivized to visit your house because each house will have an item on the floor for you to get.  There's also a gatcha system which might make some people groan but at time of writing the gems and tickets for the gatcha are plentiful and getting a 5 star piece of equipment seems to be a fairly common occurrence.  There's some other things I haven't mentioned but if I tried to mention every little feature I'd be here all night

If you live in Japan and you're looking for an excuse to get out of the house and burn some calories, then DQ Walk is a good place to go.  If you don't live in Japan then I'm sorry for you and I really hope that the game gets an overseas release because for a free little mobile game about hitting slimes with swords, it's REALLY good.

Sunday 22 September 2019

Changing The Marathon System

I know I've announced it on Twitter and Facebook but I'm fairly certain I haven't made an official post about it on here.  On October 5th and 6th there will be a "24 hour" marathon of assorted PS1 games.  So look forward to that

But the main point of this post isn't to just to announce an upcoming stream event but to tell you all about how I'm modifying the system for these long 24 hour marathons.  I have a problem with these things where not only does it completely screw with my sleep schedule and day for a few days after they are finished but I find it incredibly hard to be stay entertaining for that entire period.

The Megaman marathon was the worst example of this.  Not only did I get tired and almost completely stopped commentating my progress through the games but I died about 100 times on a boss that should have, at most, maybe taken about 5 goes.

To avoid this the PS1 marathon and every marathon after this will be broken up into 2 big chunks over the weekend.  There will be 24 hours played within the weekend period but just not all at once.  This means that I can focus better and give a bit of a better performance.  Not only that but it means that with a bit of luck, we might actually get MORE than 24 hours out of each marathon.  For example if I do 12 hours on Saturday, but then chat is popping off and the game is really fun at the 12 hour mark on the Sunday then I'll just keep going, which means your charity donations are going to go just that little bit further.

Keep an eye on this space, I'll be posting some additional details about the PS1 marathon next week some time!