And I was totally right, the game is absolute fucking garbage and I hate it.
If you're an embyro that wasn't aware, Tomb Raider 2013 is a reboot of the long running Tomb Raider series that's been going since 1996 back when Lara Croft had 2 pistols, triangular titties and the game was a sort of Prince of Persia-esque platformer type thing. So of course for the reboot they stripped all of that away and made it ANOTHER fucking over the shoulder 3rd person cinematic adventure game/fair ground shoot the ducks sideshow attraction.
Putting itself before the events of even the 1996 original, it shows a young Lara on a boat to go and explore an old Japanese island only when she gets there she finds that its full of cultists that want her and her friends dead AND an ancient mysterious power that wont let them leave no matter how many times they call for rescue planes. The rest of the story is just bad voice acting and Lara getting beaten up by both the baddies and mother nature and that's about all their is to it. It tries to do some "maybe YOU'RE the bad guy here Lara" at the end but it's such a pathetic attempt at giving the plot some depth that it doesn't so much fall flat as much as it falls right through the Earths crust and disintigrates into the core.
The gameplay is Uncharted. Not "like Uncharted", it is just Uncharted. Run from place to place climbing on things and shooting dudes until you get to a big set piece where you'll run away from something thats exploding or crumbling beneath you and there's no actual risk of a game over unless you have a sudden stroke and let go of the W key, or maybe S if its doing the run towards the camera thing. Slightly different from Uncharted though it adds experience points for you to learn skills and gun upgrades, none of which you ever really need but you have to spend those skill points and salvage on something I guess. It also adds a TON of optional collectables that aren't fun to look for and aren't actually worth anything except exp for more skill points so thus making the completion percentage on your save slot completely fucking worthless.
Worse than generic, boring gameplay however is the fact that, at least on PC, it's buggy to all hell. I say without hyperbole that every single death I experienced during my time with the game was due to a bug. Lara not grabbing things, Lara not shoving her pickaxe into a craggy wall after a jump, Lara's melee attack just going right through enemies thus giving him a chance to fill me full of hot lead, the whole works and every time I would shut the game off and refuse to play it for a few days thus making the playthrough feel PAINFULLY long.
The game ends with "The team worked the hardest they could to bring you the best possible game they could make" and I know it's harsh but if THIS is the best game you could possibly make then you should quit making games because your attempts are sad at best and anger inducing at worst. Still though, enough idiots bought and enjoyed this pile of crap for it to warrent TWO bloody sequels which the Epic Game Store vomited into my backlog so I'm hoping that the other games are at least slightly better at this one. I hated 1996 Tomb Raider and I hate this one even more and for all the shit I give old school Tomb Raider at least it had some personality and stood out as an original game. 2013 is just another generic, "cinematic" piece of shit to add to the pile and be forgotten.
Fuck this game
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