Well I said fuck all that and I'm going to look for some fucking mobile games that have some kind of ending. None of this endless fucking bullshit with daily dungeons and seasonal things to collect, just a straight up normal game with a start and a finish.
So I started by playing it safe and going for a game with a bit of a legacy behind it and that was Dragon Quest. If you've somehow not heard of Dragon Quest it's the big motherfuckin' granddad of JRPGs. You thought FF1 was basic? HO BOY YOU AIN'T SEEN SHIT. We're talking a time when the games entire combat system was focused on one on one battles and the plot was basically "find and kill the bad thing"
Obviously there's more to it than that, the game focuses a lot on exploration and it's up to you, the player, to seek out hints and uncover the secrets of the world in order to gain access to a big castle and shove your legendary blade in some assholes face. It's pure, simple, somewhat challenging and a hell of a lot of fun. Usually I play mobile games when I'm out and about and too busy to bust out the Vita or 3DS but I found myself logging in time on Dragon Quest while sitting around my fucking house.
It's a fucking classic and the iOS version comes with fancy graphics and a nice easy to use interface. So if you don't want to deal with all that archaic crap then this is a good place for you to find out what all the fuss was about back in '86. While it's not free it costs so little money on the app store that it may as well be so I highly recommend checking it out.
Whoever made this game must of been a big fan of the Ys series because the game involves a read headed protagonist running around a world killing enemies by running into them like a Beyblade that's been on fire. Like Dragon Quest the game has a simple plot of go and kill the bad thing and it also involves a lot of exploration and puzzle solving in order to reach the big bads lair so you can shove a sword into his face.
The game is short and easy but when you're dealing with mobile games this is pretty much exactly what you want. There are a couple of moments that will stump you for more bullshit reasons rather than good design but you won't need a guide to find out what's going on and when you do make progress you'll want to slap yourself for not trying that method earlier. There are even leader boards for completion time so if you're the speed running type then maybe you'll get a kick out of that but I found the controls to be a bit shitty so I didn't want to bother.
I've heard that it's had a release on 3DS but why pay for it when you can just get it for free off the app store. Maybe the 3DS has some extra features, I'd be surprised if it didn't but I'd just stick to the free version for your phone.
I did have a weird issue where the game would crash constantly on launch unless I launched it from the app store which is weird but you'll finish it in a few sessions so it's not too big a deal. Go give it a download, you have nothing to lose and it's probably better than that shitty monster collecting game you've had collecting dust for a long long time.
So yeah, iPhone is still mostly complete and utter trash when it comes to games but there are a few titles hidden on the store that are worth playing. Check these two out and I'm also down to try some others if anyone has any suggestions.
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