I liked the Vita more than the 3DS

 

I feel like today there's not a lot going on in the realms of portable gaming.  Sure, the Switch has a "portable" mode and the Steam Deck exists but both of these systems are wide and unwieldly, not the kind of thing I can just yank out of a pocket on a work commute and play for a short time.  But not that long ago we had the dual choice of either a Nintendo 3DS or the Playstation Vita and while most people preferred the 3DS or never touched a Vita, I was one of these mutants that opted for the Vita significantly more than my 3DS.

Now for the record, I own both systems and I like both of them.  What I am NOT saying with this post is that the 3DS is a shitty system.  I know in most gaming spaces the idea of liking 2 "opposing" things is an impossibility but I don't roll like that.  The 3DS had Shin Megami Tensei 4 and Persona Q for fucks sake, I'm not just going to write it off.  That said though, the Vita feels like a system that was almost made entirely for me and my weird tastes as well as my unusual situation at the time that I got it and therefore got significantly more play time.

The first reason for the preference, the big one, was that the Vita was region free.  I bought my 3DS from a friend while at University in England and with it I got a handful of games which was very cool.  However shortly after making this purchase I moved to Japan where I was basically locked out of buying more software for the thing.  I WANTED to give Nintendo my money for new games and they said "what's that? you're an British expat in Japan? well why don't you go fuck yourself, eh?" and thus no new games were ever bought.  Well almost no new games, I bought a copy of Persona Q and by "I bought" I mean I had my mother buy for me and send to me here in Japan which was unfair to her, making her go to game stores looking for weebshit and was a pain in the ass for me in wait times, potential package theft and subsequent repaying of game price.  I didn't even play Shin Megami Tensei 4 on my own 3DS, I borrowed a friends American 3DS with a copy of the game downloaded to it off the e-shop.  I couldn't use the e-shop because the British e-shop wouldn't accept my Japanese credit card and I didn't own a British one so even the digital path was blocked off to me.  And I know there's some fucking gimp reading this post going "jUsT hAcK iT" to which I say that you can go fuck yourself.  I can't be bothered with that and its not something I should HAVE to do just to play new games.

The Vita on the other hand was more than willing to accomodate my multi-region needs at the time.  Bought for my by my wife in Japan, then taken to Sweden, England and America for various reasons and I bought games in all of these countries and just popped them in and had a grand old time.  Not to mention that my PS+ subscription was giving me 2 Vita games a month for free as well as 2 PS4 so I had quite the collection of games and I didn't even have to spend all that much to get it.

Speaking of the games, that's the other reason I like the Vita so much.  I don't care all that much about the 3DS library.  Bravely Default was pretty good and SMT4 and 4A were fun but I can't recall much that really stands out in my mind.  Even flagship titles like A Link Between Worlds, while not shitty, were unmemorable and not the kind of games I'm ever going to rush back and play.  Hell, as I wrote this post I went to go dig out my little box of 30 or so 3DS carts just to make sure there wasn't something amazing that had slipped my mind but all I got was disappointment.  I had middling amounts of fun with the 3DS when playing it, but nothing that stuck out.

The Vita on the other hand seemed to be made EXACTLY for me.  I bought it with a copy of Project Diva F and anyone who watches my streams knows how much of a sucker I am for my weird vocaloid rhythm games.  At the time, the Vita was also the only way to play Persona 4 Golden so that got a great many hours put into it too.  But most of all, the Vita seems to have a large supply of what I like to call "Windows Screensaver Games".  They are usually known as "first person dungeon crawlers" but "dungeon crawler" has been co-opted by idiots who put things like Diablo and Baldurs Gate in the category as well so I like my name better.  Dungeon Travelers, Wizardry, Zanki Zero, Mary Skelter, Labyrinth of Galleria are just a few of the more obvious ones but my Vita's memory card is full to BURSTING with these fucking things.  Tons of obscure Japan only dungeon crawls for me to satiate my weird niche interest that I can just slide into my jacket pocket and play anywhere I want?  Actual gaming heaven.  Hell, about a week before writing this post I JUST bought Meikyuu Cross Blood off Amazon for the Vita, its fucking 2024 and I'm still discovering new dungeon crawls to enjoy for the bloody thing.  So between the rhythm games and the catering to a niche genre that only I and a few others care for, the Vita got the majority of my love and attention.

Not that it was a perfect system.  The 3DS certainly had better portibility, the Vita's design is sort of similar to the Switch and Steam Deck but JUST small enough to not be a pain in the cock, but only just.  Also the 3DS let you slam any old SD card into it for memory but the Vita had these absurdly expensive Sony memory cards the largers versions of which were as much as 2 or 3 games in terms of price.  Sony can really lick my balls on that one, worst part of its design by a lot.  Also the Vita has this stupid back touch screen which I don't think I've ever used once personally and I only know 1 game off the top of my head that uses it at all.

I can fully understand why the 3DS greatly outlasted the Vita and why it enjoyed significantly more popularity from general audiences.  However, the Vita, for me, seemed so attuned to my weird tastes for grid based weebshit that there's no way Nintendo ever stood a chance in my household.

God bless you, PS Vita, I don't think there will ever be a system with a library quite like yours ever again.

Shin Megami Tensei 4

Hoy!
 

I just finished this game and I had to rush to my computer and type out this post because HOLY SHIT is it good.  If you need a monster collecting game on the go, put the Pokemon shit away and get yourself some of this hotness

The game follows the adventures of Flynn (or whatever you chose to name him), a strapping young man who has come to the prosperous city of Mikado to become a Samurai.  After doing a sort of test to see if a mystic gauntlet will allow him to become a Samurai, he joins the ranks of the soldiers sworn to protect the people from demons that dwell in a cave just under the town called Naraku.  It doesn't take long faffing around in there though before OOPS! You're actually in a post apocalyptic Tokyo and you must explore the ruined city and continue an adventure that will end up shaping the entire world.

 Game play wise, for people familiar with SMT, it's more SMT goodness albeit slightly easier compared to previous entries.  The game does however have an expert mode that, at time of writing, I have not tried yet due to it being locked behind a game clear but I suppose for real die-hard fans the challenge is there.  For those not familiar with SMT, the game is sort of like a demonic Pokemon where you run around, recruit demons and use them to fight enemies and bosses.  To get demons you have to negotiate with them, answering their questions or giving them money and items to convince them to join you.  From there you can also fuse demons together to create newer, stronger demons which you are going to want to do if you don't want to make the game incredibly hard for yourself.

Usually here, with most SMT games I'd be warning you about the games difficulty as this series is sort of notorious (outside of the Persona spin-off franchise) for being quite difficult but if you were looking for a place to start, 4 is a good bet as it has a weird reverse difficulty curve.  The first parts of the game in Naraku are tough as nails with certain enemies and bosses just destroying you and your demons.  But after a while the game starts to get easier and easier.  For me personally, I was so pumped up and overpowered that the final boss could barely touch me and even when he did get a few good hits in I was able to fully heal it off in a single turn.   

The game is also pretty replayable with it's 3 (technically 4 but one of them is for little babies) endings.  The game will pose a number of questions and situations at you and depending on what choices you make you will either go down the Law or Chaos path which have different bosses and such during each.  For people willing to look at a guide you also have the choice to do a True Neutral path which involves doing a bunch of side quests and making some very specific choices at very specific times which is a good goal to go for on a second run I feel. 

As far as criticisms go, of course I have to shit on the game for locking the expert mode behind a game clear.  I'm VERY familiar with this series and the games normal mode after the opening area was pretty much a joke.  Probably perfect for newcomers but for a seasoned veteran it's very easy so if the story doesn't sweep you up like it swept me up, then the game MAY get boring for you. Also I can't quite place my finger on exactly why but I hate the interface for demon fusion in this entry.  I just find it clunky and annoying to deal with.  My final big criticism is that the "Challenge Quests" are extremely uninspired and boring.  I was trying to be diligent and do as many as possible at first but after a while I got so sick of them that I just ignored them entirely.  Due to this it would EXTRA piss me off when you try to do a demon negotiation and instead of doing that they would waste your time with "hey guy wanna do a quest for me?" but once you accept it they stop bothering you about it so its a minor issue really.

Seriously though, if you're into these kind of monster collecting games I HIGHLY recommend SMT4, it's one of the best of it's kind and probably the best game I've ever played on the 3DS.  So stop wasting time and go hunt some demons already

The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds

Thanks to region locking bullshit on the 3DS it's taken me a fair while to get around to playing this game but it was worth the wait because it's rather good.

It's hard to talk about Zelda really, everyone already knows whats up.  You play as Link and for some reason Hyrule gets fucked and princess Zelda goes missing.  Go around a bunch of dungeons, get a bunch of items, fight a bunch of bosses and save the world.  At this point we've done it a million times and despite things being a bit predictable at this point, it's a tried and tested formula that works and these adventures are fun to go on. 

However, Link Between Worlds tries to mix things up a little bit when it comes to dungeon progression and items.  In previous Zelda games you would go to a dungeon, do some puzzles and get an item, then use that item to do the second half of the dungeon and kill a boss with it.  However in this game all the items are available from the get go pretty much and you pay to rent them out.  Dungeons are still based around the use of a core item but it means that when you find that big chest with the secret thing in it, it's not something predictable and you end up receiving something actually useful and worth the effort of all that puzzle solving.  The games core mechanic of turning into a wall painting to move around the world is also easy to understand and used in a number of interesting ways that keep things entertaining.

I only have two complaints about this game but neither of these ruin the overall experience.  First, the game feels short.  I played it almost exclusively during my work lunch breaks and train rides and I've managed to beat it in what feels like a very short time.  Granted I didn't get EVERYTHING in the game but scouring for little crab things for unnecessary upgrades to my items and raising enough rupees to buy a golden bee didn't tickle my fancy really. My second complaint is that I feel like the game is too easy, I played through the entire thing, had 0 deaths on my death count on the end screen and didn't even come close to dying even once.  There IS a Hero Mode that unlocks when you beat the game which I've yet to try so I'm hoping that a second playthrough may yield a more challenging experience.

Either way, it's a great little game on the 3DS and you should give it a whirl if you haven't done so already.  Just classic, fun adventuring.   

Xeodrifter

Xeodrifter was a game I knew nothing about going in.  I received it for free on my Vita as part of my subscription to PS+ and I finally got around to playing it recently.  What I got was actually really fun and I feel like it's one of those games that everyone should have a go at.

Developed by Renegade Kid in 2011 and released on a whole bunch of systems and PC, Xeodrifter is basically Metroid and because of that this review of the game will probably be quite short.  Don't get me wrong, it's not an exact clone but for the most part it's the same deal where you fly around different planets, fighting these big alien creatures that look similar to each other and collecting power ups that allow you to explore the world and collect upgrades.  But being a clone of Metroid isn't a bad thing, Metroid is a great game so if there's anything to use as a template for your indie release then that's a good idea.

When the game starts out you have a map with 4 planets and a small space ship that gets messed up and needs a new warp drive or something.  It's then up to you to explore the 4 surrounding planets, collect power ups and find a new core for your ship so you can go home.  The game starts you off with 3 dots of health and a little pea shooter gun and just lets you explore freely.  What you'll find rather quickly is that a lot of the areas are off limits due to your lack of abilities and it's also really easy to die.

Very quickly though you fight a boss, get a power and the world starts to open up a little.  From there you can find secrets that will lead to health upgrades and gun upgrades which will make your shitty little gun shoot faster, stronger, in a spread or in a wave.  The only upgrades for the gun that I actually used were the speed and power upgrades and once they were maxed I felt like a complete power house but I'm sure people with different play styles could make use of all the other upgrade paths as you can add and take points from them freely at any time.

While it's a fun game there are a few complaints that I have, the length being my major issue.  The game is REALLY short, you could probably finish it on a lazy Sunday afternoon if you were willing to sink that much time into a single session and it's a little lacking in replay value.  Backtracking through levels can also be a little tedious as well and it's easy to lose concentration through an old area with weak enemies and end up dying because you're just not paying attention. My final complaint is that all the bosses are the same

Just this alien thing that comes in a different color every time. 

That said though, these complaints aren't enough to spoil what is actually a really fun little game.  While Metroid can feel a bit oppressive in its design Xeodrifter feels comfy and relaxing.  If you want an intense alien killing, exploration focused experience then maybe stick to Metroid but if you're looking for something fun and relaxing to kill some time with the Xeodrifter might be the game for you.

Bravely Default

So I've not quite finished this game yet, I'm on the final battle but it's giving me some issues and I could be a while before I get the ending so I'm going to write a little bit about this game now.

Bravely Default is one of those games that I heard people talking a lot about back when it was first released but because of the 3DS region locking I was never able to actually play it.  Eventually, I got my mother to bring a EU copy with her when she came to visit me in Japan and I jumped right in.

The game follows the adventures of 4 characters who have to go around the world of Luxendarc and revive 4 elemental crystals.  On their adventures they have to fight an evil empire and as you defeat the generals you gain asterisks which allow you to change into their job.  That's the general plot of the game but each area for each crystal has its own arc that plays out so you aren't just jumping from dungeon to dungeon.

It's very easy to sum up Bravely Default's game play because it's just classic Final Fantasy.  It's SO classic Final Fantasy that it would have made more sense to call this game Final Fantasy 15 and call that game something like Men's Fashion Model Adventure or something.  Your party of 4 never change but as I mentioned before you have a job system with a pretty wide selection of things to choose from once you do the side quest to unlock it.

The combat is also pretty much classic Final Fantasy but the BP system does manage to go a good job of making things a little more interesting.  Each turn you are allowed to "Default" which is the games way of saying defend and doing this will raise your BP count by 1 and you can stock a max of 3.  Then on your next turn you can "Brave" which is where you expend a BP in order to make another action that turn.  So if you brave for one turn then the next turn you can make 2 attacks or you can use a skill that requires BP without having to wait for the count to go up back to zero from whatever minus figure you end up at.  Going negative BP means that the character can't act until his counter returns to 0 and you get 1 BP at the start of every turn.

The game also makes use of something called Sleep Points which build up as you close the lid on your 3DS.  Every 8 hours you are granted 1 sleep point for a max of 3 and these allow you to make a free attack at any point during combat.  Hitting start will freeze time and you can just do whatever the fuck you like.  If you have more than 1 SP you can even brave during the time freeze and really ruin someones day. 

There are also features using street pass where you can send people moves from your party for them to summon and use in combat.  Living it Japan is awesome for this because walking round town for a while means that I'm pretty likely of passing someone with the game and being sent some insane full power special attack for me to use at any time.  The game also has a feature where you build a town which grants you special items and the like to buy at save points.  Putting multiple villagers on a building project lowers the time it takes to build and you gain more villagers by street passing.  The town can also come under attack from optional bosses called Nemesis but they don't do any damage they just kind of fly there until you decide to take them on.  Not taking them on doesn't mess you up in any way.

*SPOILERS HERE*

As much as I love the game and find it hard to mention any real stand out problems with it, the method for getting the true ending is complete and utter bullshit. 

After you revive the 4 crystals things get fucked up and you end up in an alternate world where the crystals aren't revived.  So you have to revive them all over again but this time you can break them and breaking a crystals puts you on the path of the normal ending.  To get the true ending you have to revive them all like 4 or 5 fucking times and the whole thing gets pretty fucking tedious because nothing really changes except the bosses get ever so slightly stronger.

It's fucking bullshit busy work and I swear to god this true ending better be worth all that goddamn hassle.  It's a huge tarnish on an otherwise really good game.

*End Spoilers*

For RPG fans, Bravely Default is one of those must have games for your 3DS collection.  It's well polished, has a good length and apart from some dodgy English voice work there isn't a hell of a lot wrong with it.  Go play it, now, it's awesome.

3D Is Crap

Contrary to what the heading picture might make you think, I actually quite like my 3DS.  Just for the record that picture was taken by me when making a post about region locking.  The 3DS itself is actually pretty awesome, there are a ton of good games for that thing and the original model that I have is nice and compact unlike the mammoth Vita.

That said, today I went to see Jurassic World in 3D and it got me thinking just what a massive piece of shit 3D actually is.  Why do people care so much about it?  It's just annoying for both watching movies and playing games and doesn't actually add anything to the experience.  Hell the 3D isn't even really that good, having some objects or text in the foreground pop out a little bit isn't worth raving about on a console or spending the extra money for on a cinema ticket.

On the 3DS is extra annoying though because at least with a movie the screen isn't moving around.  Right now I'm playing Bravely Default which is OK for the 3D since it's an RPG and I can chill when playing it.  Previously though, I was playing Ocarina of time and that shit uses the fucking gyro inside in order to aim weapons and that REALLY fucks with the 3D since you have to hold it at some kind of sweet spot to get the effect.  Also if you're playing the thing on a train or a car that's being a little bumpy then fucking forget it, just turn that 3D slider all the way down because you ain't gonna get much out of that shit.

For a movie the screen itself isn't so much an issue but you have to wear those fucking glasses that I just find super annoying.  Especially if the movie is long they start to get really irritating but that could just be me.

But really, do you really gain anything by adding 3D to your game?  I'm not more immersed in the experience and instead I'm just pisses off because this gigantic waste of time is draining the battery faster.  You can immerse a player with good writing or engaging game play.  Adding a few poppy out objects to the game world doesn't actually add anything to the experience and I doubt there is really anybody who was wowed by this shit even when it was new.

3D can fuck off

Portable Embarassment

So recently I've been playing Bravely Default on my 3DS and I think it's an awesome game but the opening scene pissed me off pretty hard.

So the opening scene in an AR scene which I wasn't able to do properly because I didn't have the card to hand.  Just in case there's anyone who doesn't know what I mean by that, an AR movie is something that uses the DS camera to play the cut scene in the "real world" so to speak.  An AR card is something that the camera detects and produces the characters on screen but I didn't have it so one of the things in the scene didn't play.

What did play was a scene where one of the characters gets swallowed up by some hole and makes a plea for help to the player.  The only problem is, she doesn't stay still and because it's AR you need to move the system around in order to keep track of where she is.  Now, while this is actually pretty cool, keep in mind that the DS is a portable system and I was watching this scene on a train.  So of course I'm stood up in a train car looking like a complete dumbass moving my DS around trying to keep track of the girl on screen.

What made it worse is that when she eventually stopped moving around, my system ended up directly in some guys face so it almost looked like she was being swallowed by the void inside a Japanese salaryman. 

I don't understand why they have to put this shit into portable games.  It's embarrassing having to do this shit and the companies who make these systems KNOW they are designed to be played outside.  Especially in Japan where there's almost always at least one person with their DS on a train so why include shit like this?

Of course, I just look silly waving my 3DS around but there are certain features which could even be considered dangerous.  My friend tells me, that on the DS version of Rayman when you make a checkpoint, the system plays the camera shutter noise.  This is fine but it plays out of the speakers even if you are wearing headphones, which is a real embarrassing kick in the dick.  But let's say I'm playing this shit in a subway and someone gets the wrong idea.  There's a lot of shit that could potentially go down if some person across from me thinks I'm taking sneaky photos.

What I'm NOT saying is that having these features in a in a portable game should be completely erased, but make them fucking optional.  Give an option to turn off the camera sound, let me use the thumb stick to move the in game camera for the AR scene in bravely default or something, don't FORCE me to look like a dick. 

Phoenix Wright had the right idea with the whole screaming "OBJECTION" into the microphone.  Sure, the idea of doing that would be embarrassing in a public place but if that was the case you could just push a button instead.  Then, if you were in the comfort of your own home you could take full advantage of that games silly but highly enjoyable feature.

Also I don't want anyone telling me "uhh, but you can skip that cut scene in Bravely Default", because you can go fuck yourself.  I shouldn't have to deny myself content out of fear of looking stupid on a system DESIGNED TO BE PLAYED OUTSIDE.  Also since this is the internet I know there are people who think like "well only children play portable systems in public" to which you can go double fuck yourself because 1) that much insecurity in a hobby that is now this widely enjoyed is quite frankly pathetic and 2) I live in Japan where, as previously mentioned, no one gives a fuck and pretty much everyone does it anyway.

Did I become stupid?

So recently I've been working my way through my small collection of 3DS games.  The first one I pulled off my shelf was Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D and I'm having a grand old time but holy shit does it make me feel stupid.

A lot of the stuff I'm doing in the game I'm doing from memory but I decided to stop and take my time and talk to some of the NPCs.  A lot of the time I can get what certain characters are hinting at but I can't help but feel like I have become considerably stupider when it comes to this kind of thing.  I have NO fucking idea how my child self, without the internet, figured some of the shit out in this game.  Granted I've not resorted to using GameFAQs yet for my current play through but I'm putting that more down to my memory than my smarts.

It's the same kind of thing with old action games on things like SNES and Mega Drive.  I die a lot more now than I remember doing back then and I can't seem to get as far as I used to.  Granted, I think it's because I'm out of practice but I just don't have the patience for multiple attempts at old games anymore.  As a kid my collection was a lot smaller and my backlog nonexistent so I guess I didn't mind sitting there and grinding runs in order to get good.  Now, when I start dying I just shut the thing off and play something else, my skill is being ruined by my vast choice of games.

I think there is an argument to be made that the internet does spoil a lot of gamers nowadays.  Way back then, when Internet access was extremely limited we couldn't just resort to a quick Google search for an answer and we had to play a bit smarter and be a bit more persistent in order to see those endings.  I also can't help but feel that modern gaming is a lot easier than it used to be.  We are constantly having our hand held by overly long tutorials and way point markers telling us where to go at all times and unfortunately a lot of people, including myself, become overly reliant on shit like that.

Doing a bit of retro gaming is good for you I think, gets those old gaming senses that you may have lost to brain dead current gen shit going and the end result of beating a game that doesn't hold your hand is super satisfying.  I think I'm going to force myself to be a bit more persistent with these older games and not just give up to go play something else.  Can't moan about current gen being too easy if I give up on the retro stuff too quickly for being too hard. 

Western Portable Gaming Stigma?

I'm going to start off by saying that I've not stepped foot in the UK for a good few years now so if things have changed then disregard this post.  However, going by what I've read on the internet it's the same as it was back when I was there.

Portable systems are great, you can get your gaming fix on the bus/train/plane/toilet whatever.  They have also gotten to a point where the visuals and game play of some portable titles rival that of console stuff.  Hell, you don't even need to buy physical games for them if you don't want to anymore.  Just find some Wi-Fi for that bastard and download something off an online store which kills the need to carry around boxes of carts like back in the day.

However, from my time in the UK and from what I've read on the internet there's this weird stigma attached to actually playing a portable system outside.  I've read people on forums and have even had friends say to me that they wouldn't dare play their DS/Vita or whatever in public because it would make them look "weird" or "too nerdy" whatever that means.  These aren't teens needlessly worried about public appearance either, these are grown adults.

First of all, if you're that ashamed by them why would you even buy a portable in the first place.  The whole point of the damn thing is to be taken around for when shit gets boring but instead you just decide to be bored and sit there doing nothing.  It's not like these things are cheap either, so you may as well get the most out of them.  Using them as a house console that you carry around seems like a bit of a waste.

But why do you even care what other people think about you?  Are you that insecure?  You aren't important or noticeable enough for anyone to give a shit that you're playing a video game on the bus.  Even IF someone did judge you for playing a game in public, who the fuck cares?  If they are going to judge you based on that alone they are probably a prick anyway.

The worst thing though is that these people are fucking hypocrites.  They are too embarrassed to play a Vita or 3DS game on public transport but they sure as hell don't mind wasting fucking hours on garbage portable games.  Games that mostly have no substance and are designed to drain money from the stupidest of smartphone users.

This is what I like about living in Japan, I see people playing portable games all the fucking time.  Whenever a new Pokemon or Monster Hunter gets released the trains are full of people with portable systems passing their boring commutes a way.  Not even just typical nerd types either, dudes in suits, mothers, pretty women, families, young and old alike.  I've seen people reading PORN on trains and no one really giving a shit, people just don't care about the method by which you kill your commute time out here and it's great.

Stop being so uptight, just enjoy your damn games.  

Gunman Clive

You have have noticed that a game popped up in the Awesome Games list on the right hand side so I guess now is about the time I said something about it.

Gunman Clive is a little indie platformer, developed by Horberg Productions and is available for Steam, 3DS and Android...I think.  To give a quick summary of the game, Gunman Clive is a platforming game that takes inspiration for all the best side scrollers of yore and then slams them together in a wild west setting.

At the start of the game a woman is kidnapped and it is up to you as Clive to go and save her.  Although at the start of the game there is a character select screen so you can also play as the woman saving....herself...it's strange.  If you do choose to play as the female character she has a little bit of a different jump but her and Clive both play about the same way.

The game play is standard side scrolling action and it's quite clear to see right from the get go that Megaman was a pretty clear inspiration for the game play.

Remind you of anything?

You jump and shoot your way through a bunch of levels and then there is a boss.  Each boss has a unique design but you kill them all in exactly the same way, by shooting them in the face.  It's a shame the bosses weren't made to be a little more complex because the levels change up their design as you go through but it's not going to ruin the experience.

It's also got this really sleek art style that makes it look like something out of a story book but the soundtrack is a bit forgettable.  My only other real complaint with this game is that it's very short.  I finished the whole thing in about an hour,  but then again the game costs only £1.50, so it's an appropriate price for what you get I guess.

That said, upon completion of the game you unlock a Duck mode, where you have to play the entire game as a duck that can't attack.  I've not played much of this mode so I'm not sure how you'd kill bosses but it's something I'll go and look at some day soon.

Still, if you have a little bit of spare change and you need to kill a few hours in an afternoon, Gunman Clive is a fun little way to do so.  Replaying for speed or damageless runs is also something that may extend your game time, so there is definitely £1.50s worth of content here.

The iPhone 5S is a piece of shit but....

A couple of days ago I got an iPhone 5S.  Luckily I'm not paying to use it and I didn't pay to get it thanks to a family plan type thingy provided by the phone company, so at least that's something.

I fucking hate this thing, I hate it so damn much.  I thought the idea behind the iPhone was that it was easy and simple to use and that anyone could do anything on it.  The latter is true, you don't need any kind of technical knowledge to work the thing, but in no way is the iPhone easy and simple.

When I first got the damn thing the shit I had to go through to set it up took WAY longer than it ever should have done.  We now live in an age where it's not enough to set up mail and phone number and just go with it, I have to do all sorts of other stupid bullshit along with it.

One example of this was signing up for fucking Line.  Apparently, everyone on the planet uses Line and if I don't do it then I'm going to lose contact with the world despite having a fucking phone number AND mail address.  So I downloaded Line, which took way longer than it fucking should have done because I had to make an account with the Japanese app store which was a complete pain, but even after I had the app it wasn't just a case of adding friends and chatting...of course not. 

I had to go through this long, stupid process where it sent mails to my number that I had to verify and then it sent MORE mails to my email so that I could verify it again and even once that was done I found the process of adding someone to your line account an arduous and ambiguous process that took way longer than it ever should have done.

So I hate the fucking thing, not for just the above reasons but the list is pretty long so I'll leave it at my application fury for now, but as you can probably tell from the post title it's not all bad.

Mobile gaming for the most part is a complete piece of shit, but recently I've been introduced to a few applications that are actually good games.  Puzzle & Dragons is one example of a mobile game that actually had enough quality to it to get ported to proper systems like the 3DS.  Most mobile games are money grubbing, worthless snore fests but every now and then I come across something worth playing and doesn't require you to pay money to be good at it.

In short, fuck the iPhone but at least the app store has a few good titles to keep me entertained on the train platforms.

Do I just have shit hands?

A long while ago I bought a 3DS off a friend of mine, but until my latest plane journey to Japan I hadn't touched the damn thing.

All I've really played on it is Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia for the DS, but I've had a little experience trying out the whole 3D thing with stuff like Mario and Zelda and to be honest I don't see the fuss.  The system has some good games now, at least, but I think I'll be keeping that 3D slider off as much as I can.

Anyway my biggest complaint with this system is the entire left hand side of the fucking thing.  Maybe it's just me, but I find moving a character around the screen on the 3DS to be really awkward.  The stick just feels strange and I hate using it and the D-Pad is just in this weird position that doesn't feel comfortable to use either. 

Also I can't really fully explain why but the buttons on the right hand side feel a bit crappy too.  In fact that's the best way to sum up the whole thing.  The 3DS just sucks to handle and even when your playing a good game it's just not fun because the hardware is so much shit to use.

Still, maybe the later models don't have this problem, I'm only talking about the original 3DS model here.  Since the things are fucking region locked I'm going to buy myself a shiny new updated 3DS sometime in the future.  Maybe that won't be such a massive piece of shit to handle.

A Free Idea to Nintendo

I had a rant planned for today, but I'm in a stupidly good mood so I'm going to write something that's probably really stupid instead.

Right, if you owned a Gamecube then you may remember that piece of gear in the above picture.  For those that didn't own the system or for anyone who hasn't seen that before, that thing is the Game Boy Player.  It would fit to the bottom of your gamecube system and would allow you to play Game Boy Advance games on your TV, it was pretty cool.

So while I was taking a shower today, I had this stupid idea that I thought might help boost WiiU sales.  I don't know how viable this would be but a DS/3DS player seems like it would be an awesome idea to me.

Think about it, your TV would act as the top screen and the WiiU controller.  Maybe you could put some kind of support to have split screen on your TV and manipulate the touch from the pad if you didn't want to stare at that thing all the time.  Hell, if the game had a focus on the bottom screen (Trauma Centre for example) you could just swap em round too because obviously you want to the most interesting part of the game put on your big TV, staring at stats or timers wouldn't be fun.

The only reason I made this stupid post is because I would love to do a play through of The World Ends With You, but maybe if they could actually pull something like that off it would boost sales, who knows?

Someone send this to Nintendo because if something like this did become a reality I'd be so down for buying a WiiU ASAP

The Hype Train is Getting Faster

Well here is where I just jump up and down in a silly fashion and gush for a while, because holy shit this looks good!

Shin Megami Tensei is a name you probably know, or have at least heard of due to the series being absolutely fucking huge.  For those that might not know SMT, you've probably heard of Persona, and that is part of the same series.

So Persona 4 is the game that most people have experience with, and that game is really good, I like it a lot but I don't regard it to be as good as a lot of people do.  You see, Shin Megami Tensei wasn't always about school kids solving scooby doo mysteries.  The best way to describe old school Shin Megami Tensei is like Pokemon and the Legend of Grimrock having a baby together.  Even that description doesn't quite fit the bill exactly but it's a good way to describe it to people who don't have a clue.

Anyway Shin Megami Tensei 4 is coming to the 3DS and from what I can tell it's about dudes with Yu-Gi-Oh duel gloves protecting a big city from demons.  This means lots of dungeon crawling, and monster "catching" and all that good stuff.  Right now, I'm pre emptively putting this down as my 2013 game of the year.  They'll have to fuck this up pretty hard, or someone will have to develop something twice as awesome to budge it from that spot.

Portable Price Drops

A while ago there was a lot of people talking about how the Vita is the worst thing ever and scoffing heartily at it since sales were pretty low.  THEN, there was a price cut on the Vita in Japan and sales shot above the goddamn WiiU.

Now I'm not going to jump on any sides here, I own a 3DS and a Vita and I enjoy both of them, but anyone making comments on portable system sales before a price drop seems pretty stupid.  Hell, I got my Vita before the price drop but I got it for about the same price, used, in a place called Book Off.

Anyway the reason why commenting on system sales pre price drop is dumb is because almost every system gets one at some point.  There are HUGE numbers of people who are like "I want that, but there is no point to buy it now because the price will drop".  So this causes sales to look really bad until the cut hits and BAM, sales go out the arse because people knew this shit was going to happen.

I wasn't even going to buy a 3DS originally, not because I was waiting for a price cut but because I knew that there was obviously going to be a 3DS slim, or XL or some bullshit, so I figured I would just get that.

The new generation looks exciting, so instead of arguing about sales figures and whatnot just fucking enjoy the games, because chances are that when it comes to company finances you don't really know what your talking about anyway (myself included)

Pokemon might just need to stop

Pokemon is a hugely popular series.  There are toys, games, TV shows, movies, all sorts of shit to be sold so that someone, somewhere can get rich and fat.  This is fine but I think we've finally hit a point where the games should really just stop.

Pokemon X and Y is the upcoming Pokemon title for the 3DS and marks the first time the game gets rid of the overhead 2D camera for a proper 3D game.  From what I have seen of the screen shots on a quick google image search, it looks like something that could have easily been done on the regular DS, so why the fuck did it take so long?

But that graphics aren't what people care about, it's the new Pokemon right?  But the problem there is that every Pokemon made after the whole Gold/Silver games have just been a bit shit really.  One monster that sticks out in my mind is something called Gurdurr

Anyway look at this fucking thing, its literally just a clown with a girder, talk about phoning it in.  I've heard that the total number of Pokemon has reached something insanely high like 700 or something, so no wonder it' has all started to go a bit shitty.

But what made me laugh the most was the name of these games, X and Y, really?  They have used up all their creative talent so now they are naming their games like Microsoft Excel spreadsheet cells.  I've had people tell me "oh, it's supposed to me chromosomes!" or some bullshit, but this is a load of crap and you KNOW it is.  Think about Pokemon, there has pretty much ALWAYS been a 3rd game with changes from the initial two (e.g. Yellow, Platinum or whatever).  So when Pokemon Z comes out you can stuff that chromosome shit up your arse, Pokemon isn't, and never will be that clever.

Still, despite my ranting I'm sure the Pokemon fans will eat that shit up, and it's fine, I don't have a problem with people enjoying Pokemon, it's just not for me.

(If you asked me I could probably name about 10 different monster breeding games better than Pokemon, go look up Shin Megami Tensei if you want a REAL monster breeding experience)

Now That's Some Bullshit #6: Region Locking

Time for some more ranting and raving as I pick out one of the things that annoys me the most, region locking on hardware.

Now before I start hearing about the "pros" of region locking, I'm going to tell you right now to fuck right off.  With that out of the way let us talk about how region locking is a load of ass.  So as you may or may not have figured out I am currently living in Japan and if you have been following my story of all my games being stolen, you may also know that my family now live in Sweden after moving from the UK.

So after spending so much time living in the UK and then suddenly moving about everywhere, I have a lot of PAL video games.  Now in terms of games I own, everything Sony related I have no problem with.  The PS3, PSP and the Vita (which I don't own yet) are all region free, so all the moving around basically had no effect on that, same for the DS.  But my Xbox and Wii games, I just flat out cannot play anymore because I've moved country, and THAT is bullshit.  However, those games appear to have been stolen, so even if I was still in Europe I couldn't play them right now anyway.

That said, I own a 3DS, one that I bought in the UK, and this fucking thing is region locked too so I can't buy any games for this fucking thing because I'm living in Japan.  I don't want to hear any crap about how region locking a system is good for business or some shit.  Your average everyday gamer doesn't give two fucks about importing for cheaper prices (or knows how for that matter) and on top of that, companies are probably losing money by not allowing people like me to pay for games that aren't available to them in the country that they live in.  Disregarding that point for a second, the DS was fucking region free so why did Nintendo suddenly feel the need to lock me out of their library of games just because I moved house? Assholes

Long story short, stop fucking region locking, the companies that don't region lock their stuff aren't exactly suffering for it, so you basically have no reason to fucking do it as far as I know.