Monday, 22 June 2015

Portable Embarassment

So recently I've been playing Bravely Default on my 3DS and I think it's an awesome game but the opening scene pissed me off pretty hard.

So the opening scene in an AR scene which I wasn't able to do properly because I didn't have the card to hand.  Just in case there's anyone who doesn't know what I mean by that, an AR movie is something that uses the DS camera to play the cut scene in the "real world" so to speak.  An AR card is something that the camera detects and produces the characters on screen but I didn't have it so one of the things in the scene didn't play.

What did play was a scene where one of the characters gets swallowed up by some hole and makes a plea for help to the player.  The only problem is, she doesn't stay still and because it's AR you need to move the system around in order to keep track of where she is.  Now, while this is actually pretty cool, keep in mind that the DS is a portable system and I was watching this scene on a train.  So of course I'm stood up in a train car looking like a complete dumbass moving my DS around trying to keep track of the girl on screen.

What made it worse is that when she eventually stopped moving around, my system ended up directly in some guys face so it almost looked like she was being swallowed by the void inside a Japanese salaryman. 

I don't understand why they have to put this shit into portable games.  It's embarrassing having to do this shit and the companies who make these systems KNOW they are designed to be played outside.  Especially in Japan where there's almost always at least one person with their DS on a train so why include shit like this?

Of course, I just look silly waving my 3DS around but there are certain features which could even be considered dangerous.  My friend tells me, that on the DS version of Rayman when you make a checkpoint, the system plays the camera shutter noise.  This is fine but it plays out of the speakers even if you are wearing headphones, which is a real embarrassing kick in the dick.  But let's say I'm playing this shit in a subway and someone gets the wrong idea.  There's a lot of shit that could potentially go down if some person across from me thinks I'm taking sneaky photos.

What I'm NOT saying is that having these features in a in a portable game should be completely erased, but make them fucking optional.  Give an option to turn off the camera sound, let me use the thumb stick to move the in game camera for the AR scene in bravely default or something, don't FORCE me to look like a dick. 

Phoenix Wright had the right idea with the whole screaming "OBJECTION" into the microphone.  Sure, the idea of doing that would be embarrassing in a public place but if that was the case you could just push a button instead.  Then, if you were in the comfort of your own home you could take full advantage of that games silly but highly enjoyable feature.

Also I don't want anyone telling me "uhh, but you can skip that cut scene in Bravely Default", because you can go fuck yourself.  I shouldn't have to deny myself content out of fear of looking stupid on a system DESIGNED TO BE PLAYED OUTSIDE.  Also since this is the internet I know there are people who think like "well only children play portable systems in public" to which you can go double fuck yourself because 1) that much insecurity in a hobby that is now this widely enjoyed is quite frankly pathetic and 2) I live in Japan where, as previously mentioned, no one gives a fuck and pretty much everyone does it anyway.

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